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Here, I Can Barely Think

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Here,
put your hand on my heart
can you feel it beat?
Here,
put your two fingers on my wrist
is there a pulse?
a steady drum beat
that quickens when I walk
because I can barely think
so,
when I exert
it speeds up
because I can barely see
or comprehend

Here,
put your hand in mine
and hold it tight,
because I’m too limp
to hold yours
so,
if you let go
my hand will just fall

Here,
talk to me
I won’t respond
because I can barely hear.
your words filter through
a few minutes later
because I’m too tired
to think very fast

Here,
wrap your arm around me
because I’m cold
and I have no power
to warm myself
or realize that I should

Here,
show me where the pillow is
because I can barely see
I can barely hear
I can barely think
I can barely move
and I need to lay down



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This article has 10 comments. Post your own!

Captivating-Kay said...
Dec. 11, 2011 at 7:45 pm:
I think that you should keep on writing and never stop because you have alot of potential in your work...good stuff:)
 
Risible replied...
Jan. 5, 2012 at 4:57 pm :
Thank you so much, that means a lot! And I will, I love it!
 
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FlaviusJacobiusOssummussThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 10:53 am:
You were right, this is good! I know that feeling, too. I hate being sick...
 
I_LUV_CHRIST!! replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 1:51 pm :
yeah.....I hate being sick too.....hopefully, I can avoid it this winter......but the poem is good
 
Risible replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm :
thanks so much for your feedback guys! If you like this, maybe you'd be interested in some of my other poems...I'm a fan of Brother, but some people have found it confusing, what do you guys think?
 
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alicecullenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 9:30 pm:
i agree with a fate unknown, but does he feel this way becasue she likes him? is that why she has all theses symptoms? great anyway:)
 
A_Fate_UnknownThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 4:51 pm :
Its a long, complicated story.
 
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A_Fate_UnknownThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm:

you may have written this about being sick, but it seems to me like theres more to this story.

Because I have felt this way many times, but perhaps in a different sense.

That being said I really like it so thanks for suggesting it to me! I cant see anything that I would correct, none of it sounds awkward to me. It flows well. The first and second stanza's were my favorite.

 
Risible replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 8:03 pm :
Thank you so much for the feedback! Yes, I agree with you about it possibly having another story line, it certainly has a romantic feel. I don't know that my other poems are quite as good, but you may like My Eternal Summer, it's a fun one that captures an interesting emotion. Again if you have the chance, let me know what you think. I'd love to read more of your work too, is there one you'd recommend? 
 
A_Fate_UnknownThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 8:11 pm :
hmmm i beleive you have read my two personal favorites already. Broken wings, and Violets are blue. You may like a sight unseen though.
 
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