November 7, 2011
By candygirl1985 GOLD, Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
candygirl1985 GOLD, Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
16 articles 4 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
But I was used to finding something deadly in things that attracted me; there was always something deadly lurking in anything I wanted, anything I loved. And if it wasn't there ... I put it there myself. ~ John Knowles

To love or not to love?
Is this sacrilegious suggestion even remotely possible? To not love something or someone at all in this world? Is it truly possible that a human being born with the ability to love and to be loved would reject a gift as precious as this? Yes. I am living proof.
To feel or not to feel?
Do those who can not feel still try to reach out and touch? Do they seek what they know they can not find? Do they seek for the sake of seeking? Or do they seek with a greater intention; Do they seek with the hope that they will one day find something that will make them be able to feel? I do not know.
To care or not to care?
Do those who do not care not care because they have no one to care for? Or do they not care because they have lost the strength to do so? Have they always not cared, or did some tragic event lead them to this dark and lonely state of mind? Yes. I was not cared for, therefore i know not how to care.
To want or to be wanted?
Do those who are wanted not want to be wanted? Are those who are wanted wanted because the person who is wanting them needs them? Or are they wanted because the person who wants them are wanting them for the sake of wanting; For the hope that if they are wanting someone, in return, they will be wanted by that someone? Yes... and no. They want to be wanted; they want to be needed but for the sake of their pride, they do not let this show. Though I myself wear my heart on my sleeve, many are to afraid to do so. I want to be wanted; I want to be needed. I want him; I want him because i need him and in return i do hope that he wants and needs me back.

But until these feelings are confirmed or denied or returned, I will be wanting, and caring, and feeling, and loving like I have never done it before.

The author's comments:
Questions to which i have no answers. Questions which have plagued me and confused me for sometime now. And answers that may contradict answers. Or answers that may contradict questions. If this has not yet confused you, you would not be able to begin to understand how this has confused me. But if you are confused, then welcome to my life. Welcome to my life which is a one-sided view point of these questions, answering only one part of the question not with answers, but with other questions. I ask myself two final questions: Is my mind so complex to produce this obscure work that would only be understood by those who feel how i feel, and know what i know? To be the work of a genius? Or is it all; am i just soulless drivel that has no meaning; no logic?

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