The Destruction And Search Of A Broken Heart

November 21, 2011
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A year.
A long time for a man.
A long time for anyone.
Season’s pass,
Days stretch and shrink.
Loose friends,
Gain friends,
Become one for the experience.

Take a boy.
Strange that he is who he is.
A shadow to his world,
Not wanted,
Makes a friend.
Two in fact.
But no idea
Any clue about the outcome of this tragedy.

Tears will be shed,
Hearts will shatter,
The loss of innocence,
A war between groups.

But what of the out come?
Who will be allies?
Who will be enemies?
Who will be nemo?
The end will tell.

The pain goes straight threw the heart.
If you would be the
Holy Diver.

Two months,
A time to relax.
A time for friends.
A time for being happy.

Take me,
Your humble narrator,
As I tell you about the start of a new year.

I will tell of thy self
A lesson that you will learn.

No one cares,
Except family.

My dark past,
The prison and insane asylum
The black mailing.
Figure from former year.

The girl I love,
The pretty Goth girl.
Beautiful when I see her,
My heart stops in shock.
How is she she?
Only God will know.

I am not liked by many.
My religious views,
My opinions,
My thoughts,
All negatives.

But a new year ahead,
Hopefully one of excitement.
Hopefully one to remember.
What will happen?
Will I make friends?
No idea.

I leave my house,
Nice and warm,
And to the bus stop,
Were I wait for the yellow dragon.

People fill the lot.
Some look older.
But act like children.
Why can’t people grow up?
A question with out an answer.

Red fire and smoke,
The sky alit
The dragon comes,
At full speed.

The side opens,
I walk in,
My usual seat unoccupied,
The way it should be.

The dragon flies,
We land again.
The side opens,
The Gothic rose enters.

Beyond beautiful,
She is beautiful.
Long hair,
Beautiful body,
Wonderful laugh,
I liked her.

She passes by,
My heart stops.
Is this love?
Or a fantasy.

We land at the school,
A prison of sorts.
We are allowed out,
And now the stage is set.

I walk to the end of the school,
Me and her have no classes together.
My heart sinks,
I was hoping to.

The day becomes long.
We have two classes together.
She acts strange.
I can not figure out why.

The day ends.
We are on the bus.
I get off at her stop,
Want to talk to her.

She does not get off,
To my surprise.
I feel sad.
Does she have a new way?
Or something else?

A few weeks pass,
I become adjusted.
Still nemo,
Still do not like it.

I have one acquaintance
A boy that is popular in a sense,
But I have no intentions to be friends with him,
I intend to us him for information.

I learn a few things about the Gothic rose.
The first is that she has some issues,
That I can deal with.
Next she is complex,
I love that.
Finally she is self absorbed and opinionated.
That is can work out.

As time passes, I become more intrigued.
I start observing her,
To figure her out.
I go to her bus stop,
She is playful.
Light spirited,
A little loony,
But that is okay,
It is who she is.

I am dead in her world.
She has no idea I am even there.
Does not surprise me,
Most people don’t anyway.

Until one day,
That faithful day.
I walked up and spoke to her.

Awkward it was,
Nervous I was.
But I held my cool,
And it was not all that bad.

I talked her into talking to me at one point,
I told her: “create a website,
One like mine,
I can talk to you threw there,
You can talk to me threw there.
No worries.
No hassles.”

She looked up and smiled.
A day later, done what I said.
Her site’s name made me giggle.
I thought it was silly.

She did speak of some of my topics,
Good on few,
Bad on some.
Her’s I liked.
I learned some things about her.

Slowly, we started hanging out.
Best times I ever had.
I loved it.
I never wanted them to end.

Everything in life,
No matter how much we love it,
Must come to an end.
Something I did not respect.

Last few weeks of the first friendship,
Silent we were.
Until that day,
when things ended.

After school,
We walked.
I tried to talk,
We had disagreements.

We did not see eye to eye.
I could tell,
Started to hate me.

I looked back on that day,
To the other days,
Noticed something.

Did she treat me different?
Did she treat me as an extra?
I started to see the light.
She did.

Never spoke to me in front of others.
Looked embarrassed when I was around.
Never said a word.
Two different people:
Others - happy
Me - depressed.

Later that day,
The day it started,
The friendship was severed.
My depression started.

Why did this have to happen?
I wish it did not.
But we are not friends anymore.
And I will take it that we never were to begin with.

Two moths is the same to everyone.
But being depressed and living in a bad romance,
Hell on a man.

I tried talking to her.
No answer.
Her friends started to hate me.
I have people not like me.
Hate me?
That is absurd!

I started to become sick.
Missed most of one month of school.
The hospital said I was extremely sick,
Complicated medical problem.
I know the truth.
My body was in a state of shock.

Caring about something,
Then it being gone,
Is cruel on anyone.
Even more if they drained there being in caring.

In my bed I laid,
Wondering what to do.
I tried everything.
I started falling into a hole of despair.
I could not believe it.

This is a long time,
Longer than most people.
I wish it never did,
I wasted too much time.

Winter comes,
The coldness is welcomed.
I walk alone,
Every step I take,
I walk alone.

My winter storm,
Holding me away,
It’s never warm.
When I walk alone.

School restarts,
Tension is still there.
I am not better,
Just only getting used to it.

I rarely see her,
That I am grateful for.
When ever I see her,
I feel a stab in my stomach.

I never hear her when she speaks,
Walks by, I see nothing.
She becomes nothing.
And I become glad.

In half of a year,
Friendless I remain.
The factors of my recent disfriendshipment
Are a main factor.

A few weeks pass,
She talks to me.
I decide to give her a few seconds of my time,
She apologizes.
I am in shock.

She wants to be friends,
I am a good guy,
I say yes.
What is the worse that can happen?

From how I saw it,
Nothing could.
Only get better,
And it did.

People started becoming friendly with me,
I started to become accepted.
I regained my religion threw her,
The factor that caused her to realize her fault with me.

I become glad,
Every Sunday,
We hanged out.
It was wonderful.

We started to become close
When her past was reviled to me
Something changed in me,

I use to like her,
Then I hated her,
Now, I loved her.
I loved her.

She was beyond perfect for me now.
Even thou she had numerous flaws.

Funny how we find love.
At one point of time we hate something,
Then we can never get enough of it.
Make me laugh to think.

I start to feel sorry for her.
She started to become sad.
She was trapped like an animal
In her house.

Some of her friends started to betray her,
She was changing,
At the time, I followed blindly.
Blindly I followed.

I felt sorry for her,
People started not understanding her.
Not understanding why it was,
That she is what she is.

I accepted her for her oddness,
Her complexity,
The way she was.

She liked that.
But she never said anything about it.
I guessed that she was bottling it all in.

She told me that I am one of her closes friends,
Something I was never told by anyone,
My heart started to swell,
I was touched by that statement.

One day,
A black day,
Something happened,
Something that changed everything.

I went to church with her on Sundays.
No problem.
I wanted to go on Wednesdays,
School day,
Not allowed.

On a Wednesday,
Something happened to her,
Something that she was not going to tell me.

I asked her,
In a way,
She lost her innocence.
All I will say,
It involved her mouth,
And her former boyfriend.

I was stunned,

But this came out of my mouth to her:
“I can not believe it,
But I am going to say this:
I love you”

I admitted it to her
After she told me.
I was stunned that I said it.
She was stunned that I felt that way.
We were both shocked.

She said a few days later,
That of all the people she told,
I was the only one who remained loyal.
I had a sick feeling that this was not true,
But like the man who was one of only two fools in a deck,
I played it.

I kept her secret.
Did not tell a living soul.
I did so because I loved her
And she told me to.

If doing something for some,
That you love,
Is not love,
Then what is?
That is what I want to know.

A few times,
To my bitter shock,
She tried to end her life.

I saw the scars,
Up and down her limbs.
I remember stopping her,
Talking sense into her.

I have memories of one time,
A time I stayed at her house.
I remember her being in mental pain,
Over the sin she caused.
I remember putting my arm around her,
My lips on top of her head.

She never noticed that.
At the time,
I did not wanted her to.
But what of now?
What if she knows now?
I do not know her reaction.

For weeks it was use three,
Me, her, and another close friend.
Use three against the world.
That is what it seemed like.
For a while at least.

Tragedy hit again.
Like a nagging person.
Someone close to her died.
She had to go.

I was sadden
I was not going to see her
for a week and half.
But I knew I would survive,
But not with one friend.

When one becomes friends,
Other are bound to join.
One did.
He was an okay friend,
But one problem,
It involved our feelings,
Towards the beautiful Gothic angel.

The feelings were identical,
Right down to our attitudes around her.
When she was there,
Like two good people,
We did not fight.

In the dark,
However we acted,
Was reversed.

During the time,
Of her unfortunate absents,
One-fourth long fights unleashed.

I learned something,
Beyond which shocked me,
And I could not believe it.

I tried talking sense into him,
But like an immature, stubborn mule,
Listen he did not.

One permanent sever.

She returns,
I am happy.
Something different,
Regarding her presence.

A separation begins,
Very slowly,
Starts from not noticing me,
To no talk,
To no love,
To no,

I done nothing wrong,
As you have read.
I have done nothing of the sort,
But be a good friend.

She told me,
Over the internet,
That she wanted some space.
And space I gave her.

I stopped talking to her for a while,
Did not go near her.
Done what she wanted,
But she was a manipulative witch.
Being able to use that as a weapon against me.

Truths she told,
Lies they became.
My heart shattered,
Mein herrz brennt.

Never have I been wronged,
As much as by her.
I became outraged,
Burning inside,
With violent anger,

Because of fate,
I became monstrous,
And empty.

And empty.

The time had come,
A time I hated with a dark,
Cold passion,
The time our friendship officially ended.

I put up threw her lies,
Her attitude,
Prayed to my God that things would change,
But nothing did.

When the final blow was struck,
It ‘twas I who had to close the guillotine.
I told her:
“I have had it,
You are not the person I once knew,
I want the old person back.
When that person comes back,
Let me know.”

She said:
“That person is gone,
This is a new person.
Have fun without me.”

Have fun without me?
What does she think,
The last two months,
Sense the first severe,
Have been?

I had had it.
Looking back now,
I am glad I did,
For she was the true
Lady Evil.

I warned her,
She ever turned her back on me,
For whatever reason,
Karma would attack her.
And attack her it did.

Border line friendless,
Cheating on the man she put before me,
She is now learning.

What if she asks for redemption?
Would she be redeemed?
As long as my red lungs fill with air,
She will never be redeemed.
She will burn forever.

A year.
A long time for a man.
A long time for anyone.
Season’s pass,
Days stretch and shrink.
Loose friends,
Gain friends,
Become one for the experience.

As one closes,
And I see the
heat of summer erupt,
My mind was on her,
From time to time.

But now she never crosses my mind,
Thou I do see her on occasion.
To me, she is and forever will be,
Dead to the world.

As said by one man,
And something I wished I said to her.
“Did you ever hear what I told you?
Did you ever read what I wrote you?
Did you ever listen to what we played?
Did you ever let in what the world said?
Did we get this far just to feel your hate?
Did we play to become only pawns in the game?
How blind can you be, don't you see?
You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful!
Die die beautiful!”

“It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I'll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words”

Thus ends the tale,
That is:
The Destruction
And Search Of A Broken Heart
And A Lost Friendship.

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