I got home and left the suitcase on my floor. It’s empty, it’s broken, it’s of no use to me anymore. I am tired of everyone I know. Former beliefs are now melted belief snow. The rain comes in a downpour, washing away what I long for. Your ghost is drowning on the floor.
I’m back home and it feels just like it should. Everything is in its place. My chest feels empty as my expressionless face.
I laid the suitcase on my chest to feel some sort of weight. I needed to deplete the void space. The smell of the suitcase wheeled me back to yesterday, who was too choleric to stay, yesterday who will soon be erased.
I know the mountains will not move, for you to stay in my view. Bittersweet but it’s true, that I would not have these holes if it weren’t for you. I close my eyes and I think of you. I catch my breath and I think of you. I cannot rest I think of you.
You’re sad but you smile. You know, I wish I could just disappear. Our heartbeat is the only thing we can hear, we ignore it and we’re… “Are we…are we done?” The words shoot from the gun, the heartbeat slows to none.
Yesterday crashed down on me, so I pictured where I’d like to go, and dreaming took me to where I wanted to be. I don’t believe that you don’t dream of me. We dream awake and we dream asleep. You held my hand but left without me. I never hear your voice calling out to me. I feel you forgetting me. But nothing hurts more than seeing you hurt like me.
I dreaded the dream all day, but I was unable to remain conscious, falling asleep right away. I want you to change your mind tonight- please wish you had stayed. Tonight our nine to fives slowly drowned us, as we struggled to stay awake. Tonight we suddenly realized that we will be buried one day.
Tears are streaming steam down my cheeks. Tears are tearing at my seams. I don’t have you unless I dream. I don’t believe that these dreams are any sort of prophecy. Dreams are just dreams, until they are gone. It is hard for me to see when I am wrong. But I don’t feel compelled to be strong tonight, so I will dream, dream after dream of the strength I wish I had to hold on, to someone that can’t be held on.
There are photographs of the places we left behind. There are pictures of the places I sometimes visit in my mind. I wish you could be here tonight. Here. In this place, at this time. I do not want to go backwards, because if I do I could swear that I had seen it all before. I already know when and where it would end.
It’s a beautiful day and something reminds you. You are missing someone but you don’t know who. You are standing alone trying to remember. It’s a beautiful day and I am not the first thing on your mind when you arise. It is a beautiful day and I’m not really in your life. Remember that you want to be alone for a lifetime. And it is no big deal. Forget the sunrise when our fingers first entwined. Forget starring with me into the starry Malibu sky. Forget the feeling of our first movie theatre drive by. Forget the apple pie. Forget the color of my eyes. Forget the view of Santa Monica from up high. And it is no big deal.