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No Longer Anything To Say to Me

/door open./
/step through, one two, one two, one two, one./
/sit. chair swivels./
/bag open, papers out, pencils out, computer out, open./
/Check-up:

-Tachycardia

-Adrenaline secreting

-Muscles tensing

-/taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptapping foot./

Fight or Flight (must be involuntary).

I gaze at the source of my threat./
/Check-on:

-screen glare in brown eyes

-half-repressed smile left for focused pursed lips

-eyes crinkled in corners /obliviously mirth-filled./

-legs crossed, one internal, one towards me /as per usual./

-not sitting forward, but upright shoulders squared towards me/as per usual./:


“Yes?” he drawls.


/ignore./
Unaware of my Distress
Mood kept still in Euphoria./
/Speak now, or Forever hold Your peace:

“Hmmm, that’s new,” my voice is light, my smile sweet, “I am very angry.” /angelically./

condescending look. one eyebrow raised. wondering /such a nice tone, such sweet words./ how to respond?

“Oh?” caution. disbelief. scoff.

My smile drops for one brief moment, Anger plain across my face. Then my charming facade is replaced. /for i know his secret./

“not that I regret our conversation. it seemed to me to epitome of logic,”
his mouth opens:

/not here. not now. not ever./

“But,” I continue lightly, “I won’t ever believe in you again.”

/turn now. facing straight. staring eyes./

“I shut my mouth. Don’t worry your precious little moral heart about your life. Your words. Or my life, the thought! But I am not a doll to be played with. I am not naive, for all you think so. I am not blinded by your brilliance, even if I idolize it. Even if I know /your secret./ Even if I know
/you love me./

You do not. Under any circumstances. Ever. Think it is okay. To abandon me. To let me believe in a lie. To let me be assaulted at secret meetings. To think it is okay to have nothing to say to me.

/stares./

/“You no longer have anything to say to me.”/




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