In Love

November 20, 2011
By MiKaylaMarie BRONZE, Billings, Montana
MiKaylaMarie BRONZE, Billings, Montana
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

your hand it fits the perfect in mine the world has stopped and so has time cause were in love. kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon. You and I are to good to be true. To think we are invincible, we seem so unbreakable. Cause were in love. Heart swells with joy, breaks with sorrow. When you walked away from my life, away from us. She came into the picture, she took you away. To think we were so invincible, we were so unbreakable. Cause we were in love... In love... I wanna hear you say, you need me. Like you used to before she came. Things have changed, everything but my feelings for you. We used to be so invincible, to think we were unbreakable. Cause we were in love.. So in love..



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 6 comments.


on Dec. 6 2011 at 6:51 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2216 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

So, this is how I think it could be better written, (remember, this is not the only, or even the best way of writing it, this is just my way of making is clearer. It should flow better as well)

'Your hand fits *perfectly in mine

The world has stopped

And so has time

'Cause we're in love

Kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon

You and I are too good to be true. 

We think we are invincible,

We seem so unbreakable.

'Cause we're in love.

Hearts swell with joy,

Break with sorrow.

When you walked away from my life, You walked away from us.

She came into the picture,

She took you away.

To think we were so invincible,

we thought we were so unbreakable.

'Cause we we were in love...

In love...

I wanna hear you say you need me, Like you used to before she came. Things have changed,

everything but my feelings for you. We used to be so invincible,

We thought we were unbreakable. Cause we were in love...

So in love...'

 

If you have any questions about how I edited it, please ask.

Thanks for sharing! :)


on Dec. 6 2011 at 6:45 pm
reyess_anai BRONZE, Corona, California
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every deep thinker is more afraid of being understood than misunderstood." Nietzsche

Really amazing! you were able to portray your emotions very well i like how u kepp repeating how u were in love

on Nov. 26 2011 at 10:25 pm
Mike6546 SILVER, North Carolina, North Carolina
6 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
those who mind don\'t matter and those who matter don\'t mind

This is good, you communicate the emotions really well

on Nov. 26 2011 at 10:02 pm
MiKaylaMarie BRONZE, Billings, Montana
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments
thanks guys i really appriciate your commenting:)

on Nov. 26 2011 at 5:43 pm
swiftheart GOLD, Houston, Texas
17 articles 5 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?"

Nice poem, your fomatting could be improved. Nice word choice and flow.

on Nov. 25 2011 at 10:52 pm
savetheplanet PLATINUM, Anaheim, California
45 articles 9 photos 565 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

It has good flow that could be improved with stanzas.  The punctuation is a nice touch. :D


Parkland Book