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In Love

your hand it fits the perfect in mine the world has stopped and so has time cause were in love. kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon. You and I are to good to be true. To think we are invincible, we seem so unbreakable. Cause were in love. Heart swells with joy, breaks with sorrow. When you walked away from my life, away from us. She came into the picture, she took you away. To think we were so invincible, we were so unbreakable. Cause we were in love... In love... I wanna hear you say, you need me. Like you used to before she came. Things have changed, everything but my feelings for you. We used to be so invincible, to think we were unbreakable. Cause we were in love.. So in love..



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IamtheshyStargirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 6:51 pm:

So, this is how I think it could be better written, (remember, this is not the only, or even the best way of writing it, this is just my way of making is clearer. It should flow better as well)

'Your hand fits *perfectly in mine

The world has stopped

And so has time

'Cause we're in love

Kiss goodbye, savor the night. Parting is hard, curse the sun worship the moon

You and I are too good to be true. 

We think we are invincible,

We ... (more »)

 
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DependentMissIndependent said...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 6:45 pm:
Really amazing! you were able to portray your emotions very well i like how u kepp repeating how u were in love
 
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Mike6546 said...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:25 pm:
This is good, you communicate the emotions really well
 
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savetheplanetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 25, 2011 at 10:52 pm:
It has good flow that could be improved with stanzas.  The punctuation is a nice touch. :D
 
swifthearth replied...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:43 pm :
Nice poem, your fomatting could be improved. Nice word choice and flow.
 
CountryCutie replied...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:02 pm :
thanks guys i really appriciate your commenting:)
 
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