Watch Me Fly, Mama

November 16, 2011
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You always screamed I wasn’t good enough
Through the tears of your own self-pity
You blamed me for the failing of your love life
And pushed me away
Though I tried to cleave to you from such a young age
You were my mother
I had no choice but to trust you
And you crushed everything that I had
In some kind of power struggle
When there never was any competition
But I’m all grown up now, Mama…
And I don’t need a man to cling to
Daddy says I’m stronger than you
I have a better grasp on reality
And yeah, I know that sometimes I lie
But I don’t convince myself they’re true
And I don’t hide from the world my horrible secret like you
How you fed me to him like I was worth nothing
But you claim not to remember
You claim that you didn’t know
It doesn’t matter now
I’m above it
I need no jury to tell me that I’m safe
I need no one to tell me that I have now received justice
There is no story book ending to this tale
But I can still fly, Mama
Far away from here
With wind and freedom instead of lead and sadness burdening my wings
He told me that he loved me, Mama…
A real, flesh and blood boy
He reached out and cupped my face
Never did he beat me
Like you said they would
He’s kind and good and true to his word
Not another Sam
Not another Bill
Not another Jonny
Not another anyone
But someone all his own…
Watch me fly, Mama
Far away from here
Where your words drown me with hatred
And your fists gleefully bruise my flesh
Watch me fly, Mama
I don’t need you now
I think I’ve found I never needed you at all
As long as one person out here can love me
And one person out here can speak true
I can change and not have to fear, Mama
Not have to fear being you…

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