did not say

November 18, 2011
sunset fades the day slips away along with all the things you did not say what would have changed what things might be if only you said what you wanted it burns you inside burns you alive as it eats at your conscious and tears away at your life speak up and spread light

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Loki17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Even if you don't want to edit your poem, you should at least try to separate it into stanzas.  Or capitalize. Or use punctuation.  Right now it's really nothing more than a scribble.
Kayla__Writer replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 7:10 pm
umm, sorry mikes my buddie and im honna have to stand up for him, i dont care if this peom is good or bad please keep the negatives away from this, its a scriblle to you and a piece of work to him, i really dont like confronting people but friends do thingd for friends snd thats an action ii just did.
Loki17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Sorry if I offended you... just my honest opinion.
DrowningInTheBrooke replied...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 11:11 pm
mikes my good friend, i wouldnt be worried loki, if he didnt want critisism, he wouldnt have posted it
BreakingBrooke said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 8:23 pm
gosh mike.....this is really good. ive read it quite a few times but it seems like every time i read it, i understand it a little bit more
mrow363akarobinhood replied...
Sept. 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm
hey where have you been
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:13 pm

I think it's missing something, I'd almost say that maybe you need to restructure it, but when I really start to think, it's perfectly structured just the way it is, it really reads like a slowly sinking, striped sunset :)


Roselove445 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm
hey its alex might be late to chat mom is taking me to one of my uncles shows will be done at 8:30 but i still might but 10 or 15 minutes late sorry dont be mad
VampLoverMorgan said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 11:42 pm
Add more to it. . . it's really good so far just needs some more information
savetheplanet said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Not bad, I like the imagery :D  You've only been here like 7 days?  Newbie XD  When can I find you on the TI Chat?  And btw, I love Ranger's Apprentice too! <3
talishaPloederl said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm
i agree with penny but otherwise its good (:
PennyM.L said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 11:34 am
try making stanzas. It will flow better that way.
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