November 6, 2011
By Anonymous

One step forward
Is it OK for me to not be like them?
My siblings and all that they are?
second step forward.

Is it OK for my grades to not be over 95?
Not the best... not
3rd step forward.

Can I stop running? Stop singing?
Stop dancing, acting, kicking, laughing? Can I stop?
So tired.
4th step forward.

May I stop laughing?
I'm happy yes, but must I show it every second?
Not everything I say has to be funny and smartalecy.
5th step forward.

Can I not be home every second?
Let me be with my friends.
Please. With E gone I'm so...
6th step forward.

You'll never do it.
You'll never stand up to them.
Never be able to tell them the truth of who you are, who you want to be.
Such a coward.
7th step forward.

You will never truly have love.
You won't see the one person who might actually like you...
Forget love.
He'll never come.
8th step forward.

They are always there.
Sure they expect same smiling _____ as they've had all their lives.
They would be so surprised at you.
They'd say "She was a true friend. Always smiling. Always joking. What happened?"
They'd never know the pain to be

9th step forward.

They all expect more.
I've never made a B.
They expect more.
Can't give them more.
How could I do more? Not my valedictorian siblings.
Never will be.
10th step forward.

So close. So close.
Can't stop crying.
Every time I cry, I take the steps... but I never. quit. smiling.
11th step forward.

Am I crazy?
My life is perfect.
My life is beautiful.
I'm not ugly, not short, not fat, not skinny, no acne, not failing, parents are perfect, siblings are perfect, all is perfect.
Perfect perfect perfect Perfect PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT!
F*** perfect.
12th step forward.

They might miss me.
The fifth.
The third.
Never meant to be the first.
Always last.
13th step forward.

H would.
I hope she would.
She could make a new best friend in a second.
But she might just miss me the most.
1 step back.

M would be disappointed.
He would never expect me to do it.
He would never have thought of me... The girl he met at the beach and left there.
To go a state away. A timezone away. and he would never expect me to do this.
Although his Girlfriend would be able to pull him through it.
14th step forward.

They love me.
My parents.
They would have no one left without me.
E hates to remember that she has parents, and JE will never come back. He's on his own.
They would miss me.
3 steps back.

My close friends.
H. K. S. A?
Not sure how they'd react. It would take years for them to get over me.
3 steps back.

So tired.
1 more step forward.

I am actually happy.
Take away the stressful moments.
Take away the times that I realize that I'm unattractive for some reason.
Take it away and there I am. With my friends.
5 steps back.

I love my church.
I absolutely love it.
I hate the stereotypical southern s*** that happens there every day and every second.
I love the people and the faces I've known since I was 7.
Love my church FAMILY.
6 steps back.

I am good.
I can do this.
Coward is a good thing.
My siblings aren't this happy.
I am fragile.
My grades are very high.
I am beautiful I guess. In a poetic way.
I am in love with music.
I can't go a day without singing.
I can sing.
So lucky. So lucky.
20 steps back.

I sound like I'm whining for no reason.
No drug addicts.
Shelter. Shelter. shelter.
I don't see half the things I would've under different circumstances.
They'd say it was for attention, but after all. They'll never read this.
I am fine.

I am fine.
Run back.

The author's comments:
I don't want to commit suicide. Never have. Never will, but this is how I feel my life goes. I will never show this to my friends. I will never tell anyone these thoughts, but I just wanted to let you know. Me.

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.

Swoon Reads

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!