To Live

I used walk around
Thinking that I wouldn’t
Last through the day
My sadness consumed me
It took over my entire body
Took over my entire life
But I would always smile
And pretend it was nothing
Nothing was wrong
Life is good, I’m happy
It was never true, but
It’s how I made it
It’s how I lived
Every moment
Of every day
I had friends
No one thought
There was anything
Under my smile
They never saw that it was fake
I would walk day after day
Around the park, past
People on phones
People walking dogs
Smiling, their smiles were real
That’s what I wanted
To be happy, for real
Every day I would cross
My favorite bridge
It was one thing I liked
It was high above a
Beautiful rushing river
I never thought of jumping
Until one day the thought came
I almost did,
Something stopped me
I don’t know what it was but I
Knew I couldn’t do it,
It wasn’t right
I have to live, even if it was hard
There had to be something to live for
And I have to find it
But will I?
Will I ever find something to live for?