I don't quite know
i feel regret of,
disbelief of,
fear of,
all i can,
can not do,
self doubt filling my mind,
waiting,
laughing,
patient,
like a dam,
ready...
rushing to break,
erupt,
disturb,
and let die..everything
that was once
held,
precious,
alive,
flaming, breathing,saving
and now i hide
all the hopes
all the dreams i once had
now,
a sale sign,
ready,
nearly,
left behind,
with
highest of price,
the highest of gain,
and me
jealous of
that which is lacking of
demons,
the intense
massive
heart-wrenching
fear
that
swallows you
your heart
whole.
for me,
as plentiful
as rain
that which of now
drown me,
trap me,
no place to hide
or
protect from
and scary
all in my head.
And where to run?
When you are your own enemy?
your own hater?
Your own
destroyer, murder, keeper?
what then?
making the time i spend
useless,
lying,
to myself
about what is keeping me
from fulfilling
and doing
that which
i should be and
am capable
of doing.
lying
in a bed
in a casket
in loss,despair, pain of
self death of,
destruction of,
my own making.
and every night now
i lie awake, thinking of
all that i was..and
the broken glass
that remains
so help me,
fix me,
keep me,
my heart
alive for safety.
I wish
i didn't need
any of what i need from
you,
but this self doubt
will surly kill me
destroy my name
the hope that once
remand,
and keep me prisoner,
with life a lost game,
with happiness
too
a prisoner.
and myself
forever
remaining
the jailer