My angel

Times have changed since I have last seen him, my life has changed and I don’t know If I can ever feel happiness like that again.
His smile could light up a room; anything that hurt you in the past wouldn’t matter after you saw that smile. .
I wonder if he thinks of me.
At first I didn’t know how to move along.
But now its like second nature.
At first life didn’t matter, my life was nothing, but now I know that my life is the world that my life is worth something to someone somewhere.
I hope that when I make my move in the world he will be looking down on me.
I hope he will protect me in whatever I decide to do in life.
Hes my life, hes my angel.
How can I have an angel that loves me more than I love myself?
When he lived, life was happy, life was easy.
My life was changed that dreadful day.
Tears wouldn’t stop falling from my blue eyes.
All the promises all the secrets all the fights, they started to mean the world to me.
Is it true you hurt the ones you love the most?
You don’t mean to hurt them, you don’t mean to make them cry, and you don’t mean to make them hate you.
Hate towards my angel?
No, it was love.
Can you imagine you angel lying on the floor lifeless, can you imagine your angel on an ice cold table lifeless?
I can.
My angel didn’t know.
Or maybe he did.
I like to think he didn’t.
I like to think I was one of his last thoughts before he went to bed that night.
The bed he never woke up in.
The bed his family tried to wake him up in.
The bed where his lifeless body lay.
And yes the bed where he was pronounced dead in.
Now the new bed sits in the old bed spot.
One person sleeps in the new bed but, in the old one there were two.
Two hearts beating.
That’s a day I couldn’t let go of if I wanted to.
I miss him so much it hurts.
I wish he would come back, but that’s not the case, hes in a better place.
But now my angel looks down on me.
Now he watches me make my big move in the world.
And I can say I love you in a crowded room and I am only talking to one being.
And I know he hears me.
And I like to think he says I love you back.
Absent by body, but not by mind.
My angel is my grandfather, the person who loves me more than I love myself.