Alone Again

October 31, 2011
By Rhiannonbloss PLATINUM, Aptos, California
Rhiannonbloss PLATINUM, Aptos, California
28 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
What is depression really? Is there one concrete definition, or has the meaning loosened as our generation has continued it's downhill descent? To me, depression is simply my life. I'm not suicidal. I'm not a cutter. I don't hate the world. I don't dress completely in black. I'm just sad. I've been sad for what feels like my entire life, but that's not true. I was happy once and I can vaguely remember what it felt like, but I can't touch it. I can't get that happiness back, I don't know how. That's what depression is to me, knowing what happiness is, but never being able to touch it, to feel it.- Jenny Leigh

You asked me to believe,

You asked me to trust,

I did those for you,

I would have done anything,

I am sorry for failing you,

I am sorry I let it die,

But why make me love again,

Only to reduce me to your friend?

I am not alive anymore,

I am too tired to try,

Too tired of lies, shattered hopes, broken dreams,

My largest regret is what I left unsaid,

I never told you all you meant to me,

How hard I fell when I finally let myself,

You were my hopes and all I wanted,

My only needs were right beside me,

For you I would die,

But it was all for naught,

Lost time we'll never get back,

Another broken dream to add to my collection,

Another broken heart to try to mend,

Why did you leave me to bleed?

What did I do wrong?

These questions repeating in my mind,

I can't feel anything but the hollow pain,

The tears that flood my eyes and leave me blind,

I'm sorry I let you down,

I couldn't be all you wanted,

This must be my punishment for taking you for granted,

I never believed this would happen,

When you walked away reality came crashing down,

I am living for nothing,

A wish ungranted,

I am back in misery,

Where I never wanted to be,

Where I trusted you to keep me from,

I don't blame you,

Some dreams just can't come true,

So I am alone again,

With a broken heart to mend,

I am not strong enough to do it alone,

But there is no one to help me,

Nothing to numb the pain,

A thousand small cuts,

From the regrets, the hopes, the loss,

I do not get the mercy of dreams,

The unconcious embrace once a relief,

Now I am haunted,

By dreams of what could have been,

If only I had shown you how much I cared,

We could've been together forever,

As I wished on a shooting star and birthday candles,

I wanted you to be the one to destroy my fears,

And dry my tears,

Not the one to leave me to bleed,

But somehow I always knew,

You would hurt me in the end,

Leave me to live alone again,

In a world I can't survive in,

I don't even want to try anymore,

Too many times I've been broken,

I'll never work properly again,

Maybe love is not lost after all,

I can love the solitude, the misery,

They have never abandoned me,

I trust them to never go,

As I trusted you,

I risked everything for you,

I lost it all as I knew I would,

I am such a fool,

I do it again and again,

I love when it only brings pain in the end,

Never again, it hurts too much,

Not even physical pain can silence my hearts cries,

I'm screaming for it to let me die,

I don't want to live like this,

In the shadows of the things I have lost,

Stepping over the pieces of my shattered heart so carefully,

Because they're sharp as broken glass,

And equal in fragility.

I can't do this anymore,

I apologize one last time,

I hope I never hurt you,

I would rather suffer for you,

I accept the despondency I get in return,

I've known all along it was approaching,

I have its embrace instead of yours,

One day I'll trade it in for devotional death,

The only inevitable in life,

All I can hope for, I alone.

The author's comments:
Misery never truly leaves. It just lurks around the corner...

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