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Reaper

The smell of smoke filled the air. He looked around trying to find the source.
Still intoxicated from the night before, he struggled to his feet.Then, he saw the crash.
Burning wreckage was spread out over the ground. What was left of his car was totaled. But then he saw what made him crawl on his knees and cry.
She was lying on the ground, hair covering her face, or what was left of it, her skin was gashed with six inch deep wounds. The wounds were already drained of blood.
He picked up her body and sat there and cried, even after the police and ambulances came he wouldn't let her go. His love was to great to let her go somewhere where he knew that he wouldn't be able to see her. Not anymore.
He raised his eyes to the sky and screamed, his mind replaying the crash over and over. "I am so sorry, I am so sorry!"



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Emiri-Neff said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 9:57 am:
I like his cries at the end. I'd keep them that way, they're powerful. I do think it could be more descriptive- it sounds, now, like a short story than a poem.
 
Signed_DKThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:38 pm :
I know it sounds like a short story, I was thinking it did after it was already approved.
 
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Kayla12w said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm:

I liked it, but I think it need to go into a bit more of detail, Who is she to him, I also want to know why he is sorry. please reply back.

Very good poem though, Very good

 

 
Signed_DKThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm :
They love eachother im kinda sorry that it wasn't clear most of my stuff is
 
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