Starry Night

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We were driving
top down
On a starry night
The wind was spinning around
riding on a tilt a whirl
Through our faces
we held onto our dog

It was a cold night,
As our white furry dog
kissed our cheeks
with his pink tongue

We ate our ice cream
On the car ride back
which was as sweet as
the clouds above

As we go so fast
To a little white dog it feels like
we're time traveling
Everything in the past
is behind us

But as we pull
into our driveway
The magic has come to an end

Until next time





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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

pitt98 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:49 pm
not one of my best pomes, although i am known my my professors for having good insight
 
LoudDreamer replied...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Actually, I think you did good. It is simple and interesting. It drew me in with the simple details of a night out. I do admit though it almost felt like you jumped from stanza to stanza, something about it was a bit choppy. But, I do still think it deserves five outa five. Could you comment/rate my poem Lonely Fires, please?
 
KarinaDavidyuk said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm
i think you could improve this by adding more depth to it
 
pitt98 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:57 am
Why don't you check out some of my other work then?
 
KarinaDavidyuk replied...
Jan. 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm
I didn't mean it in a bad way. But you could improve it...
 
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