Starry Night

November 1, 2011
By pitt98 GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
pitt98 GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
10 articles 3 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the days in life we remember, rather the moments." 
- Walt Disney


We were driving
top down
On a starry night
The wind was spinning around
riding on a tilt a whirl
Through our faces
we held onto our dog

It was a cold night,
As our white furry dog
kissed our cheeks
with his pink tongue

We ate our ice cream
On the car ride back
which was as sweet as
the clouds above

As we go so fast
To a little white dog it feels like
we're time traveling
Everything in the past
is behind us

But as we pull
into our driveway
The magic has come to an end

Until next time


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This article has 5 comments.


on Jan. 17 2012 at 7:29 pm
KarinaDavidyuk GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
15 articles 1 photo 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a game of chess.. Every move makes a change.

I didn't mean it in a bad way. But you could improve it...

pitt98 GOLD said...
on Jan. 16 2012 at 10:57 am
pitt98 GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
10 articles 3 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the days in life we remember, rather the moments." 
- Walt Disney

Why don't you check out some of my other work then?

on Jan. 14 2012 at 12:24 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

Actually, I think you did good. It is simple and interesting. It drew me in with the simple details of a night out. I do admit though it almost felt like you jumped from stanza to stanza, something about it was a bit choppy. But, I do still think it deserves five outa five. Could you comment/rate my poem Lonely Fires, please?

pitt98 GOLD said...
on Dec. 3 2011 at 9:49 pm
pitt98 GOLD, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
10 articles 3 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the days in life we remember, rather the moments." 
- Walt Disney

not one of my best pomes, although i am known my my professors for having good insight

on Dec. 3 2011 at 9:45 pm
KarinaDavidyuk GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
15 articles 1 photo 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a game of chess.. Every move makes a change.

i think you could improve this by adding more depth to it


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