The voices in your head
Wanted you to be dead.
We screamed to you no
But you just had to let go.
Hung yourself with shame
While we screamed your name.
Tears were shed when you left
Your mind stole life, stupid theft.
Clouded mind that just couldn't,
We loved you so, we just wouldn't.
Your children needed to be gone
But now I wale on your unkept lawn.
I stay in the car and watch a scene
This movie wasn't made for a teen.
As the body bag leaves I'm in despair
as my alive aunt throws her hands in the air.
Black and white the day, clear tears.
She couldn't stand to look herself in mirrors.
Never happy, never herself, her shrouded.
You were unhealthy, that was never doubted.
We drew the line, but we didn't know
That you never had the capacity to grow.
That you never had the sun shine in the sky
And that all you knew was how to lie.
We feel guilty. We feel sad. But why?
It was mental health & the illness had to die.
It took you with it, and I miss you Aunt.
I try to forget it wasn't my fault, but I just can't.
I hold onto that thought cause I want her back.
What did I do wrong, what did I lack?
No answer, no problem, I'll sit here in disbelief.
That my aunt was not right, that's no relief.
So it's all cool because it was in her mind?
So did I meet the real her, can she be defined?
Was that her, the non-sick one, up there?
When I was up in Churubosco in her care?
My mind rings, it rattles, it's not so clear.
So I write, my fingers tremble, I shed a tear.
Life is for living, but you just wanted hope.
But you lacked that severely & couldn't cope.
I miss you Penny, you were enigmatic.
But I'm left her scarred & truly traumatic.
I get by with the care of a cheerful asian.
But this is no simple wound or abrasion.
No one said this was going to be a cakewalk.
But I don't know how to explain this, or talk.
I sit inside songs that make you stand out.
That make me miss you all throughout.
I pump the bass to my troubling heart.
I wish we could just get a restart.