Mouse Trap

October 23, 2011
By jcrisp BRONZE, Sutton Valence, Other
jcrisp BRONZE, Sutton Valence, Other
2 articles 1 photo 9 comments

A mouse.
A trap.
The dangers are known,
But there’s still a scurry back.

That wonderful temptation,
To the eye it does please.
The thorns will scar deep,
But they are just the keys

To the doors of a challenge,
For a young foal so naïve.
Just when the tree has grown,
Hacked down are its leaves.

Dew Drops trickle to streams.
But the sun falls into place,
And dries them,
Without a trace.

Unknown is the next strike,
Of the whirlwind ways
And stormy eyes.
Leading the innocent astray.


The author's comments:
This is inspired by the poem "Wind" by Ted Hughes which has suggestion of possibly being a metaphorical way of talking about a relationship which is what mine is about. The temptation is the relationship which I have run back to more times than I should have but each time I have felt like next time will be different, only to be proven wrong in each one.

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This article has 15 comments.


on Dec. 5 2011 at 7:24 pm
Cantrella PLATINUM, Kamuela, Hawaii
31 articles 1 photo 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Backward, turn backward
oh time in your flight,
make me a child again,
just for tonight." E.A. Allen

Well I gotta say, it really works. I think this is really good. I should try making lists and see if that makes it easier :)

Haha I can understand trying to hide who its about. Though for me, its more that I'm paranoid that that object of my work will see it and know its me. 


x0x0xJ SILVER said...
on Dec. 3 2011 at 6:06 pm
x0x0xJ SILVER, Wood Dale, Illinois
7 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and go for a stroll out through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing.

i like it! very well written!

jcrisp BRONZE said...
on Dec. 1 2011 at 1:16 am
jcrisp BRONZE, Sutton Valence, Other
2 articles 1 photo 9 comments
exactly what i was aiming for xD and yeah, i made a list of similes and metaphors and then made a poem but it was quite rubbish so i editted out all the references to an actual person and just made it the metaphors to make it more interesting :)

on Nov. 30 2011 at 9:36 pm
Cantrella PLATINUM, Kamuela, Hawaii
31 articles 1 photo 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Backward, turn backward
oh time in your flight,
make me a child again,
just for tonight." E.A. Allen

Yikes. Its like any progress that is made just gets exterminated in one way or another. But the comparisons were really interesting. What was the process? did u make a list beforehand?

on Nov. 29 2011 at 5:34 pm
sunshine7223 SILVER, Holdenville, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Afterall, a loose screw doesn't want to need, and a hammer doesn't want to be needed." -Me

"Those who observe with their eyes closed and mouths open, are usually not as wise as those who allow their minds to wander freely." -Me

This is really great! I loved it! :))

on Nov. 29 2011 at 5:33 pm
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER, Chardon, Ohio
7 articles 56 photos 367 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One heartbeat."

"Our scars remind us of where we've been; they don't dictate where we're going."
-SSA David Rossi, Criminal Minds

Saw your convo on TI chat and thought I'd help you along to that 250 views you're searching for before you go to bed. :) I've always held a certain standard of respect for those who can write in metaphors and comparisons, for I myself am not one of them. Nice job. :)

Megan15 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 5:06 pm
Megan15 BRONZE, Milton, Kentucky
2 articles 18 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, your always in the same place"

Hi Jcrisp. I agree with volleyballgirl. This is a really amazing poem, probally one of my favorites on here! 5/5 stars for you!

jcrisp BRONZE said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 5:04 pm
jcrisp BRONZE, Sutton Valence, Other
2 articles 1 photo 9 comments
i think you may have just made my life :')

on Nov. 29 2011 at 5:01 pm
I have read great poetry before, but nothing compared to this! You are a truely talented writer. I love the way this poem blends smoothly and it is just beautiful. Two thumbs up :)

on Nov. 29 2011 at 4:09 pm
Karlynne PLATINUM, Orange Park, Florida
21 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
-Vivian Greene

beautiful. i loved it. its extremely inspiring. i love to use metaphors also in alot of my poetry. the only good ones r n my love sick poetry thoug. lol

 


on Nov. 29 2011 at 3:28 pm
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 132 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"

wow... talk about use of metaphores! This is really good

 


jcrisp BRONZE said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 2:41 pm
jcrisp BRONZE, Sutton Valence, Other
2 articles 1 photo 9 comments
thanks :D a lot of my friends didn't understand what it was about until i explained it to them atferwards :L

on Nov. 29 2011 at 2:17 pm
Donahue8 BRONZE, Lansdale, Pennsylvania
4 articles 1 photo 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only easy day was Yesterday" -U.S. Navy SEALs

awsome! I can seee what you are saying about the relationship. Great vocab and imagery too.

on Nov. 29 2011 at 2:04 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments
This was very good.

on Nov. 5 2011 at 6:23 pm
i think this poem is really inspiring to me as i jave been through the same sorty of thing :D 




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