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Mouse Trap

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A mouse.
A trap.
The dangers are known,
But there’s still a scurry back.

That wonderful temptation,
To the eye it does please.
The thorns will scar deep,
But they are just the keys

To the doors of a challenge,
For a young foal so naïve.
Just when the tree has grown,
Hacked down are its leaves.

Dew Drops trickle to streams.
But the sun falls into place,
And dries them,
Without a trace.

Unknown is the next strike,
Of the whirlwind ways
And stormy eyes.
Leading the innocent astray.



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This article has 15 comments. Post your own!

JJxo3x said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:06 pm:
i like it! very well written!
 
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CantrellaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:36 pm:
Yikes. Its like any progress that is made just gets exterminated in one way or another. But the comparisons were really interesting. What was the process? did u make a list beforehand?
 
jcrisp replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 1:16 am :
exactly what i was aiming for xD and yeah, i made a list of similes and metaphors and then made a poem but it was quite rubbish so i editted out all the references to an actual person and just made it the metaphors to make it more interesting :)
 
CantrellaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm :

Well I gotta say, it really works. I think this is really good. I should try making lists and see if that makes it easier :)

Haha I can understand trying to hide who its about. Though for me, its more that I'm paranoid that that object of my work will see it and know its me. 

 
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MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:33 pm:
Saw your convo on TI chat and thought I'd help you along to that 250 views you're searching for before you go to bed. :) I've always held a certain standard of respect for those who can write in metaphors and comparisons, for I myself am not one of them. Nice job. :)
 
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Megan15 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm:
Hi Jcrisp. I agree with volleyballgirl. This is a really amazing poem, probally one of my favorites on here! 5/5 stars for you!
 
sunshine7223 replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm :
This is really great! I loved it! :))
 
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Volleyballgirl1812 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:01 pm:
I have read great poetry before, but nothing compared to this! You are a truely talented writer. I love the way this poem blends smoothly and it is just beautiful. Two thumbs up :)
 
jcrisp replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:04 pm :
i think you may have just made my life :')
 
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Karlynne This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm:

beautiful. i loved it. its extremely inspiring. i love to use metaphors also in alot of my poetry. the only good ones r n my love sick poetry thoug. lol

 

 
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Donahue8 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm:
awsome! I can seee what you are saying about the relationship. Great vocab and imagery too.
 
jcrisp replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm :
thanks :D a lot of my friends didn't understand what it was about until i explained it to them atferwards :L
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 3:28 pm :

wow... talk about use of metaphores! This is really good

 

 
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PrincessBubblegum said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm:
This was very good.
 
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BLUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD said...
Nov. 5, 2011 at 6:23 pm:
i think this poem is really inspiring to me as i jave been through the same sorty of thing :D 
 
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