Mouse Trap

October 23, 2011
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A mouse.
A trap.
The dangers are known,
But there’s still a scurry back.

That wonderful temptation,
To the eye it does please.
The thorns will scar deep,
But they are just the keys

To the doors of a challenge,
For a young foal so naïve.
Just when the tree has grown,
Hacked down are its leaves.

Dew Drops trickle to streams.
But the sun falls into place,
And dries them,
Without a trace.

Unknown is the next strike,
Of the whirlwind ways
And stormy eyes.
Leading the innocent astray.

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This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

JJxo3x said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:06 pm
i like it! very well written!
Cantrella said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Yikes. Its like any progress that is made just gets exterminated in one way or another. But the comparisons were really interesting. What was the process? did u make a list beforehand?
jcrisp replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 1:16 am
exactly what i was aiming for xD and yeah, i made a list of similes and metaphors and then made a poem but it was quite rubbish so i editted out all the references to an actual person and just made it the metaphors to make it more interesting :)
Cantrella replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Well I gotta say, it really works. I think this is really good. I should try making lists and see if that makes it easier :)

Haha I can understand trying to hide who its about. Though for me, its more that I'm paranoid that that object of my work will see it and know its me. 

MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Saw your convo on TI chat and thought I'd help you along to that 250 views you're searching for before you go to bed. :) I've always held a certain standard of respect for those who can write in metaphors and comparisons, for I myself am not one of them. Nice job. :)
Megan15 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Hi Jcrisp. I agree with volleyballgirl. This is a really amazing poem, probally one of my favorites on here! 5/5 stars for you!
sunshine7223 replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:34 pm
This is really great! I loved it! :))
Volleyballgirl1812 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I have read great poetry before, but nothing compared to this! You are a truely talented writer. I love the way this poem blends smoothly and it is just beautiful. Two thumbs up :)
jcrisp replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 5:04 pm
i think you may have just made my life :')
Karlynne This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

beautiful. i loved it. its extremely inspiring. i love to use metaphors also in alot of my poetry. the only good ones r n my love sick poetry thoug. lol


Donahue8 said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm
awsome! I can seee what you are saying about the relationship. Great vocab and imagery too.
jcrisp replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm
thanks :D a lot of my friends didn't understand what it was about until i explained it to them atferwards :L
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 3:28 pm

wow... talk about use of metaphores! This is really good


PrincessBubblegum said...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm
This was very good.
Nov. 5, 2011 at 6:23 pm
i think this poem is really inspiring to me as i jave been through the same sorty of thing :D 
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