Infinite Illness (Part 5)

I'm back where I began,
without ambition,
without the Truth,
but I've got my own truth
and it's all I need.

On this radical journey,
it was only expected.
I tripped and fell
at every ones feet
but still they couldn't see,
as my dignity
crumbled and crawled
away from me.
They didn't want to see
as I inhaled my highs
and suffered my lows.

I wanted to lay
mid-day in the desert
and feel the sun swelter me
as I blistered from head to feet.
I wouldn't do a thing
as my temperature
increased
uncontrollably.

I wanted to dive into
an ocean of acid, thirty-three miles deep
as waves crashed over me
pulling desperately to drown me.
I would let my lungs fill
and quietly fade out as I
d
e
s
c
e
n
d
e
d
to the bottom.

In the water the salt is bitter.
I could've acted quicker,
I could've thought stronger
but sometimes it takes tragedy
to earn a humble victory.

I fought so many times
and held my head up
but this time
I cannot fight.
I did what I could; I tried.
I found half of me,
cleaned up
and stayed true to me,
no thanks to a false belief
but thanks to everyone
who believed.

Now all I want
is to see the joy
in a torrential downpour.
All I want
is to be alive
and live in an honest
state of mind.
The ending
isn't the same
as the start
but who am I kidding?
This is just the beginning.





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