I hate you
I really really do
It’s an all-consuming, fiery, burning passion kind of hate
The hatred seeping out of my pores hates you
The bump that I didn’t brush out of my ponytail hates you
Every artery in my body flames with hatred for you
The undigested white chocolate raspberry cheesecake with a side of 1% milk sitting in my stomach hates you
When you feel a cool breeze or zephyr glide across your face as the sun shines down and illuminates your golden locks: me whispering my hatred to you
When you burn the chocolate chip cookies you made from the Betty Crocker mix because you are too lazy to make them from scratch: just another reminder of how much I hate you
Every time your computer crashes it’s because I told it too
It listened to me
Because it hates you too
The basil that you grow in your garden (or so you tell people because you want them to think you are something special but we all know your mommy does it for you) does not breathe out oxygen
Oh no
The substance that exudes from those green petals of life? Hatred. Obviously
Stone cold hate that will make your eyes water and your tongue swell and your stomach flip like the time you went on goliath after you had the jumbo sized sweet potato fries and almost threw up on the little boy in front of you
Those stupid yellow carnations that sit on the counter in a blue vase next to the sugar and the food processor with the stupid little card that says, “congrats kid” are actually buzzing with bees that are just waiting for the perfect time to come out and sting you all at once
If you listen closely to their buzzing, it’s just a really fast chant of “I hate you”
So if your skull is too thick to protect that pee sized brain of yours and you cannot comprehend my big long sentences
This will sum it up
I hate you and that is all there is too it