I must run into the embrace of someplace new A horizon I have only viewed Through the oily window of a painted canvas I don’t expect you to understand this But I can’t bear this routine much longer I know you’ve never heard anything wronger But wrong is real to me like sweat stinging my eyes Burning like frigid winds grating against my skin But right tolls like dull second hands swallowing my life Without struggle Without strife Stealing moments a silent thief And I’m too stunned to weep I hurled a rock into the ocean sloshing around in my heart It floated and reflected in the water like art And I showed it to my mother but she didn’t understand Because these calluses on my hands Are the only things I have to show for all the work I’ve done I dug myself into a hole just for fun And I couldn’t climb out Because I snapped the shovel over my knee Because at the time I couldn’t see That eventually it’d be important to me And my survival I guess that’s the story of my life Sever every tie I need to rope me to reality with a cuspate knife I sharpened with my teeth as they chattered Because I’m so scared my whole world will shatter So I’ll put pen to paper and carve out the unanswered questions Banging at the inside of my skull like inmates so restless And maybe after things will start to make sense Like how dust is suddenly visible during red sunsets Caught glinting in slow moving air But at night it’s too dark to see and their too insignificant to care Just like that I’ll etch the things keeping these strange dreams in my head As I lie twitching in bed Into tree trunks and on Post-It Notes and anything else I can find I’ll exhaust myself until I’m as limp as an orange rind And maybe then I’ll feel brand new Maybe then I’ll understand what I’m supposed to do.