October 18, 2011
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For three years
I have had a graveyard of words
that I wanted to say to you
buried in my backyard
But I dug them up today and
brought them back to life because
you see, I am ready
I am ready to speak

You said that I didn’t care about you
But everyday I listened to you
Your pain, your anger, your frustration
I absorbed it, let it seep into my skin
so I could feel it too
so I could try to understand

I tried to understand
Your words, I took in your words
I had them saved
in a Microsoft Document in my head
so I could read them over,
find a piece of you in them
I picked apart the threads of words,
put them together again,
made a quilt out of them
so I could see the whole picture
so I could see you

When I spoke to you
My words flew to the windows of your ears
but they were closed
My words bumped against the glass
like pathetic paper planes
and fell to the ground
I tried and I tried
But my words were rejected
every single time
You didn’t want them
You didn’t want me

You wanted a Someone
I’m not just a Someone
I have a name
I have secrets, fears, dreams, regrets—
I am a multidimensional person
I am specific
You didn’t want someone specific
You didn’t want me

You blame me
for not including you in my life
for not letting you into my world
That is your own fault
I tried to give you the key
but you didn’t take it
So I kept it to myself
You rejected our friendship
You held our relationship on a leash
If you would’ve just let that leash go
our relationship could’ve run so far…

I tried to save us
You gave up
You’re pathetic
I’m done being pathetic
I’m done swallowing my words for you
I’m done with you
I don’t need you anymore

I’ve finally found my voice

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