The Visions they are beautiful and horrific. I see 15 different visions each with a different outcome. One is of my protector standing by watching and trying to re-assure me, the next is my observer watching what I do seeing my actions unfold, the next is of the happy me sitting beside the current me trying to inspire confidence by smiling in this situation, the next is of me just not caring not even wanting to care, after which is what loyalty I have trying to understand and better itself. After which is my innocence just sitting trying to make sense of everything. The heart is pounding its excited waiting for the next action letting my blood rush through every part of my body, After the innocence comes curiosity sitting here thinking of what to ask even though it is clear nothing can be done. Next is anger and confusion they sit here welling up but not directed towards anyone in fact all they are doing is just trying to make sense of things. The next one is my desire even though it wouldn't side with what one part wants it's being really compliant in fact it's quite freighting if I am convinced. Logic was here but now it has left all that there is, is emotion and a lot of it, myself hatred is nearly at its peak the desire to end it is so high that I'm really afraid. After which my wanting to kill is there and all I see is just it standing over my corpse with a knife plunged deep into my chest, even thinking that vision is making me smirk. Looks like a well-known side of me had finally succeeded and I don't know what else he wants. the older sibling in me is sadden by the resolve all it wanted was to see continued progress but now all it can see is tears. all that's left is me holding the blade having the desire to plunge it into my chest, but I'm not strong all I ask is for you to help me slam it in, I wouldn't hate you all I want is to not hurt...can you please make it stop? Not just the pain but the confusion as well? I just want to be at peace is all but it's quite pathetic if I can't do it myself, so can you please help me? I'm not asking you to do much just put a suffering boy out of his misery.
Visions of the Hoping Me
October 17, 2011