Lone Girl

October 13, 2011
By Floyd7888 SILVER, Pleasant Grove, Utah
Floyd7888 SILVER, Pleasant Grove, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 10 comments

What kind of world,
Do we live in now days?
Where all that seems to matter,
Doesn't really matter at all.
They don't even know what real pain is.
Everything that was real,
Is almost all gone,
But not wisdom.
Wisdom comes and goes,
Like the freshly fallen snow,
Crisp and fresh at first,
But later people twist it,
And ruin it.
Sometimes you can find,
The greatest wisdom of all,
In the little girl,
Down the street.
She has seen it all.
She knows what's real,
What's life.
She has a broken spirit,
Her heart shattered,
But still a glimmer of hope,
Always clinging to it,
You can see it in her eyes,
All of the years of torture,
She knows pain.
She sits on the street corner,
To escape,
Same dress she wears,
Every day,
Tattered and torn,
But new cuts,
A new brose,
She doesn't say a word,
But she says it all.
To find wisdom,
You have to open your eyes,
And begin searching.

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This article has 5 comments.

Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 15 2012 at 10:26 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

The message is too stilted. It's too pessimistic, it sounds like you have to go through pain to be smart, or wise. I understand that experience is the greatest teacher, but this is simply morbid, and a little too much to be tasetful.

The metaphor of fresh snow is ruined when you say that its "twisted", try to find something else pure and white that can be twisted (I know I just said you were too morbid, but if you want to go all the way, make it bone, because bones are white, give life, structure, and order to you and your life, and when twisted, it ruins everything in every way).

However, I do like the little girl. Not the pain she goes through, but the idea that she looks like a little girl, when she's actually an old woman, full of experience.

It reminds me of that woman who lived in a psycho-disturbed reality, where she didn't age because she had no sense of time, waiting for her husband. Unfortunately, she was told the time of the day, and she's no longer alive :(

SGNox SILVER said...
on May. 7 2012 at 8:12 pm
SGNox SILVER, Timberlake, North Carolina
9 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
'The stars are always there, but we miss them in the dirt and clouds and we miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have Hope.' - Renee Yohe

I love the message this poem gave the reader!

This is really great poem! :) Freeverse absolutely hates me, and you did a good job writing this!

DanielM. said...
on May. 6 2012 at 11:58 pm
I admired your first 3 stanzas or sentences i dont know what their called. Anyhow that was an awesome poem your really good. Great Message. Dont stop writing please cause your good.

on May. 6 2012 at 5:07 pm
Floyd7888 SILVER, Pleasant Grove, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Thank You! That means a lot too me. Your feedback is really helpful so I can write better poems. I'll try to write more like that! 

Blaker GOLD said...
on Oct. 17 2011 at 3:15 pm
Blaker GOLD, Portland, Maine
15 articles 9 photos 38 comments
Wow, that was really great. There are loads of poems like this, but none of them emmit such emotion as you did. You used very sophisticated describing words. I liked it a lot. 

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