I am from being young and mature
wanting to be older than I really was
to growing older and ignoring adults
and what they tell me
From being dependent on others
to wanting to be independent
so that I can be by myself

I am from learning a bit of piano and bells in class
to strumming the 4 strings of my bass guitar within a few weeks
From musically challenged,
Not understanding the small black notes on the paper I was given
to musically gifted,
knowing each and every note just by looking at them

I am from hiding under the sink in the kitchen
Because of hide-and-seek so I wouldn’t be found
to hiding from my parents in my room
just to get away from it all
From a messy room
with drawings and art supplies strewn across the floor
to having everything perfect
all in a nice order to always be able to find

I am from self-harm
carving words with a cold,
silver razor blade
into my skin that I’ve been called
over the years
to being at Bellin Health to get better
to stop from harming myself
From feeling depressed
not wanting to do anything with anyone
to always happy and outgoing
always wanting to hang around with others

I am from listening to screaming and yelling from my parents
and other siblings with me in the mix
to drowning out the world in German and techno music
blasting it through my room and my ears
From paints and canvas
to pencils, paper, and words
scribbles with crayons
to large paintings and drawings

I am from crying and hearing my mom saying
“It’s not broken or bleeding so stop crying”
to figuring out that my cuts and bruises wouldn’t heal
with crying
From my dad telling us kids
“Don’t say you can’t”
because he was told he wouldn’t ever
be able to anything
to believing I can do anything

I’m from all of this
friends, family, and the world.
all of them changing me,
making me who I am today