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Indifferent Love

The two were stuck. Each fallen for the other. Their lives intertwined by fate or destiny.
But something happened.
The knot was broken. Their love destroyed. Another person became involved. THey were heart broken.
A boy found the opening. Took the girl, and they left into the suset.
But the problem wasn't over.
Without knowing, another boy was dragged into the fray. The one who could help with any type of depression, but even he had trouble with this case. He had friends on both sides of the war.
Now the problem solved, his work was still effortless. A certain match making was all it needed.
Finished with his task he left it unnoticed, or so he thought.



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

Danealle said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 4:00 pm:
After reading many of your poems I think you need to really focus on breaking them up. Also show me they were destined to be together instead of telling me. 
 
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.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm:
Great poem, although it would be a lot easier to read if you broke it into stanzas. A little confusing due to the fact that as the poem goes on more and more people are added into the conflict. Maybe instead of "the boy" and "another boy", you could be more descriptive and use "the jock" or the "quiet boy". Other than that, I think almost anyone can relate to this sort of situation. Keep writing!
 
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RayBaytheDinosaur said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 10:16 pm:
Its intresting how it tells a story, but maybe you could seperate it into stanzas?
 
kingofwritersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:24 pm :

It's pretty good, but I would like to hear more of the story. And there are also some spelling and grammar mistakes that you might need to work on.

 

But overall, it was good! I'd give it 4 out of 5 stars!

 
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