Rain Song+

September 22, 2011
I heard a song once,
on the sill,
as the rain played the notes
so somber, yet so sweetly sung

and I guess that,
I should have written it down
because I still hear the song
when I sleep.

For these notes that are playing
they duck, and they turn,
plucking at the strings
of this harpsichord heart

even now I'm singing this song
all alone now, in the night
when no one
is even listening.

-

You don't want to listen
and I don't want to sing
but I am trying my best
to get your attention.

your considerations,

not your considerate condolences

for these notes that I am singing
that duck, and that turn
and pluck at the strings
of this harpsichord heart

play a note,
so somber yet sweet

playing some notes
so somber, yet reminding me…

playing some notes
so somber, yet optimistic

I hope

that.
they.

never leave me
all alone

-

It is dark now,
and I am singing,
I am offering my heart
unsure whether you'll take it or not

so back and forth, now
so back and forth!

This song that voices
both my feelings and my guesses

~whispers at what I don't know
-whispers at what I don't know

-

Now that it's raining
and quiet,
you don't speak
I guess you could say

I'm waiting

for something
I know what it is
but I know it does not have a name.
yet somehow I feel at blame

as I wait
for the turns
I can't help but feel
so down and out again

for these notes I am singing
that duck, and turn
pluck at the strings
of my harpsichord heart

-

Winding so sweet
and whispered so still
into the open wind of the night
beating, so slow

my heart's quivering

yet so soft

a carrier of things unseen
my message

~to you.


-on this dire wind

-

All I am asking

Is this song still
to be written?


all I am asking.

Is this song to be written,
still?

-

still…

+

…all this time.

my wasted breath.
the buzz of the rain, and a gentle hum
of the song

indifferent to you, unknown to all

the beauty of the falling blossoms
at the feet of the trudging,

-

wasted paint

my shattered bones

you could have all that I am,
but now am I a lesser man?

I can,
not, tell

a part of what I was
or a part of something more?

a bar in a sweet sweet sonata,
or the movement in a suite?

if only I could hold you close
I could show you,

as well as you show me.

That as the storm rises
the symphony sweeps away
stolen, underneath the sounds of the squall

the notes that are playing
they ramble, and they rip,
fretting at the strings
of my humble, honest heart

crescendo and decrescendo,
the waves crest on the shore of my soul

washed ashore, away, as if I was nothing more
I am nothing more

allegro, allegro, allegro,
slow.

stop.

-

go?

I don't know, I don't know

I don't know, I never knew

I'd rip myself just to find myself a home

if only you knew
you know,
oh no.

in your arms, I'd trade the song for a soul
give you my water for some wine,
I don't care if I die,
if I could just,
have you tonight

you could have all that I am,
but now am I a lesser man?
a part of what I was
or a part of something much more?
amore, the gore I've spilled in your name
I've shed my equivalent of six-fold saturated souls

I could give you all, I could give you all
I could, I could, don't doubt that I could!
because I gave you all. I gave you all!
and you had the nerve to ask for more!

-

just break my teeth

just steal my tongue

just bend my fingers.

I sing no more,

for such is the coming of the storm

I sing no more!
+


bite my tongue
the rising tides.
the flash of the cloud,
-sweeping away other dark
and the receding tide of light

I would sell my soul for a lamp
a fire, a sweater

for a couple bolts to keep my spiraling heart from
rocketeering right out of my chest
shattered ribs, punctured lung
I am a cold storm

-

with my graces, now corroding into a grit

I hope that I still am

I pray that I still shall be.

the polarizing strike of lightning

ripples through my skin,

I am negative+
I am positive-

contradiction, bi-polar, magnetic.

my bare bones, minus pretty pretense

my eloquence is no longer necessary.

I lost your attention,
and all I hold is mine
convincing myself that I still hold something resembling
a spine,

and it hasn't managed to curve itself into gnarled knots,

you love to see me crumple into a heap,
I'm not a monster, my only fault
is that I tried

I would ask your forgiveness if it was something I could be forgiven for

for I am at fault

I am at fault

I am at fault

-

the growl of my stomach
and the shivering of my teeth
are all you need to hear,
to feel my twisting lungs and curling eyes forever

don't value me


don't treasure me,


I am but a pauper, a begger

demanding your reverence would be to demand insolence

my only hope is that I could re-incarnate as a dead pixel
or fly on the wall,

or that speck of light in the distance

if only I could be that speck of light in the distance.

not the cold numb I feel in my fingers,

I wish I could play the pretty pretty songs in my head
instead of describing them to you,

I wish I was instead of will be

I wish this made sense to you,

I wish this made sense to me.

If only I could escape the purgatory, of this lack of clarity
spewing inside of me,

if only you would look at me,

look at me like I look at that speck of light in the distance…

in the distance.
+


her voice is the sound of a cloud,
catching me.
I was on the right track when I was led astray

but I wonder

could I be set right?

should I be alright?

Is it okay,

Is it okay

Is it okay?

-

anymore?





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