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I am who i am because of my past

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I am from being held
gently
by my mother and father
with my nookie always falling.

I am from stars circles and squares,
red blue and orange,
homemade jiggler jellos from
great grandmas recipe.

I am from lawn chairs set out in a circle,
everyone crowded close to keep the cold out and the warm air in.
Seeing the yellow orange and blue flames rising and falling in between everyone.
Roasting warm marshmallows to the exact color we want them.
Making steamy delicious pudgy pies filled with cheese, pizza sauce, and some ham chunks, squished into bread and cooked over the fire.

I am from the dark bluish clear ice cream cone shaped liquid,
pouring down onto the gravel
little to big drops
hard to soft drops
falling upon us.
Hearing laughs blowing through the wind
footsteps swooshing through the puddles.

I am from climbing up every branch
wondering…will it snap?
being called ‘monkey’ for always climbing things.

I am from calling my grandma my best friend
always being there for me
“It will be okay, I will always be here for you!”





I am from losing my uncle
at an early age where nothing made sense.
Growing up learning it hard a major affect on my life.

I am from being woken up at four in the morning.
Being told we need to go to the hospital immediately.
My brother and I rush down the stairs in our comfortable pajamas.
Seeing our new baby sister in the white blanket with blue and pink stripes
(just like on television) a few hours later.

I am from every little object in our home having a spot it belonged in.
Everything always clean and perfect
nothing could ever be out of place.

I am from shooting pucks all night
practicing passing the ball
kicking with accuracy
sleeping in on weekends just to be a lazy teenager like all others
listening to my favorite songs on my iPod
reading books out loud so I understand them better.

I am from a big huge brown house
where everything felt so right
like nothing could happen to make this home not ours.
Then moving to a new house that wasn’t the same.

I am from a childhood of memories
delightful yet damaging.





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