My personal "Sunshine"

September 11, 2011
I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the blue, white, and black GE shorts i was wearing. I realize how a simple article of clothing can cause so much pain. I remember our blonde rafting instructor. I remember him yelling out various stroked and us being out of sync. I remember our raft scraping a rock because we were off by one stroke. I remember learning how to hold the paddle, and i remember never wanting to hold one ever again. I remember the color of the rafts, red. I remember sitting, waiting, hoping, and crying. I remember feeling nothing and i remember not wanting to remember. I hear sirens, i heard footsteps running, i heard panic, and i heard my own heart beating in my chest. I remember an overwhelming sickness. I remember the faces of strangers around. I remember watching a different set of rafters stop and ask if we were alright, then resumed rafting. I remember leaving in tears and never wanting to return. I remember the words of our camp director. I remember isolating myself and i remember every single place i sat. I remember watching a single bird fly above us, then leaving as soon as the sun hit the horizon. I remember watching the sun set alone under a tree. I remember when the welcome center was a place of sorrow. I remember the walk back to the bunk, and the night of no sleep and a mornings attempt to watch the sunrise. I remember blankness, darkness. I remember my faith in G-d drop in a matter of minutes, seconds. And i remember waking up every morning and having Andrew "Sunshine" greet me through the trees. I remember his smiling face. And i remember the dream i had about him the following night. I remember the grief that still consumes me. How can i remember every single detail that day and not even remember what i wore yesterday? so many questions lay unanswered for me.

In Loving Memory of a dear friend, Andrew Silvershein. 6.19.11 <3





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