A Kleenex Satire

What would we do
Without Kleenex?
They’re for all our events
Because, if we’re not crying
(Or if we don’t have a cold)
Then we’re obviously apathetic

I mean, we use Kleenex
For our everyday joys, sorrows and sniffles
Their gentle comfort soothes me
Brings me back to the safety of compliance
Saving me with the wisdom of the box
My lord and savior
Kleenex occupies that position only because
Of its perfect balance of softness and strength
It’s just
Well
No words can describe it

What was my life like before Kleenex?
A bleak wasteland of never-ending tears
A life without French subtitles
But no longer, for I am whole again
Thanks to the gorgeously colored container
Of
Kleenex