Till the day I die

September 2, 2011
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Till the day I die
on this stary night.
Far away from the world,
When you feel sad,
Look up at the sky, And remember I'll alaways be there for you

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Emiri said...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I like the meanine. Just.... the first part was a little....Till the day I die on this stary night. It kind of makes it sound like you're dying that night. Or, whoever it is. And I don't think the emphasise on the last line in necessary. Other than that, nice!
ButterflyKiss replied...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I agree with Emiri. I was confused at the beginning when it said "Til the day I die on this starry night." It makes it sound like you will be dying now. The poem is also really short and undescriptive. Other than that, it's ok.
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