What I want to say

August 24, 2011
I want to stop being okay. Or fine with a half-smile. School wasn’t just “good” Today. It never is. Things happen to me- tiny things that I want to tell you about. In my mind, the smallest things amaze me. That’s why people call me a dreamer.
I’m not a dreamer. I just see the world and such an exotic and mysterious way. I want to reach out and be touched by things I don’t know. I want to learn. I want to know. When you drive somewhere, anywhere really, do you really look at what you’re passing? I can’t take my eyes away.
“Trees are just trees and the sky will always be there.” How can you know for sure?
If I could spend my whole life, staring at one single leaf, I would in a heartbeat. Simply because I could look at it a million different ways and it would never be the same. Some things are so simple that we make them out to be complex. This leaf is every color you can imagine all at once. And it shocks me to the bone, leaving me breathless. Until I’m filled with all the iridescent colors swirling around inside me; fighting and laughing and singing and living. They all push on me, so hard trying to escape, that I want to just release them and let all the colors and music and words seep into your heart. I want you to feel the giddiness and the joy of the simple things that you take for granted every day. Feel the beauty of something, even if it’s just this little leaf from somewhere in the world.
So I try as hard as I can until I’m in my bed, thinking these things all by myself. Wanting desperately to get them out somehow. So I close my eyes and I dream.

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