I hear voices in my head. They won’t go away. They scream at me with snarls getting louder and louder until I feel like my head with explode. I try to keep going, but the voices hold me back. I end up huddle in a corner sobbing until my body trembles. They say things like: you’re ugly, you’re stupid, go kill yourself no one will care, why do you even try? I start to break down. The voices are right. I can’t take this anymore. I stand at the top of my stairs. It’s a long way down. I spread my arms out like a bird getting ready to be free. I let my body fall face forward. I’m so numb I don’t even feel it. My body flips down the stairs with delicious release. I lay at the bottom in a pool of my blood. I don’t hear the voices. I let out my dying breath with relief and close my eyes in eternal sleep.
August 23, 2011