One in a million...

August 12, 2011
By Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.


Alone I lie in bed at night, your the one thing on my mind. Waiting for that call that will never come, that wish that will never come true. No matter the amount of pain you cause; all i want is still you. That will never change, no one could ever take your place. Your one in a million.


The author's comments:
This piece was inspired by my amazing boyfriend. I love him with all my heart.

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This article has 1 comment.


on Sep. 5 2011 at 9:08 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, I have some criticism.

 

1.  Generally speaking, even free verse poems are in a stanza format, not in a paragraph.  It’s not always the case, but that’s what readers generally expect.

 

2.  In the first sentence, ‘your’ should be ‘you’re’.

 

3.  You need a comma, not a semicolon in the third sentence.  You also need to capitalize your ‘I’.  “All I want is still you” comes out awkwardly.  Maybe you could rephrase that.

 

4.  ‘Your one in a million.’  ‘your’ should be ‘you’re’.

 

I actually love the idea and the emotion behind this.  You definitely put a lot of effort into conveying your feelings!





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