Smile....

August 12, 2011
By Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.


Smile like everything is perfect, like your the happiest girl alive. Pretend it's all okay, pretend you don't feel like screaming and crying all day. When they look at you and if everything is okay just nod your head and say yes. Never let your shield waiver, never let them sense the fear and pain that lingers with every breath. You can never let your shield drop until you are all alone in your bed at night; with all your insecurities and fears, then you can finally wollo in your own personal hell.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Sep. 5 2011 at 9:15 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, I have some criticism.

 

1.  Generally speaking, even free verse poems are in a stanza format, not in a paragraph.  It’s not always the case, but that’s what readers generally expect.

 

2.  ‘Your’ should be ‘you’re in the first sentence.

 

3.  “You can never let your shield drop…”  You need a comma, not a semicolon in this sentence.  You also need commas in your other sentences, but that goes with the ‘work on your grammar thing’ I told you in my comment on your novel.

 

4.  ‘Wollo’ should be ‘wallow’.

 

5.  Your title should only have three periods, not four.  Ellipses only have three periods, no matter what.  Readers will get what you mean if you only use three, trust me.





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