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The Denim Girl In Sunglasses, Who Ponders Over Yonder.

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When I was younger
I used to dream
Of the denim girl
Who'd stand and ponder
Over yonder.

Today I saw
the denim girl in sunglasses
Who stands and ponders
over yonder.

I did not speak
to the Denim girl in sunglasses
who stood and pondered
over yonder.

I may never again see that...
A denim girl with sunglasses
Who stands and ponders
Over yonder.



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Mudder_Hacky said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:52 pm
in retrospect, i wish that i'd have just called it "The Denim Girl in Sunglasses" ..
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Part of me liked that the majority of each stanza was almost identical, and part of me thought that it didn't leave enough room for the story to subsist. But all of me liked this little poem for its sad honesty, and the way the dream was incarnated, and then slipped away. Well done, well done.

That's always a mistake, man. Never let her go away like that; I know what that's like, though.

 
Mudder_Hacky replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 5:47 pm

ty :) yes, i shall remember that advice.. and this poem...

i hope that i remember it significantly more than i'm letting on.

 

in reference to that first part, i actually feel much the same way. Although it really kinda smashes in the main point.. it's also kind of boring... however, i feel that the fact that the story has any progression at all while keeping that repetitiveness makes the whole idea of the poem all that much stronger. just my, personal opinion..

... (more »)
 
remembermeplz said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 9:10 am
wow.... this a amazing I really like how you use almost the same senetence in every senetence...hahaha if that makes sence
 
Mudder_Hacky replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 5:50 pm
oh, yeah.. yeah that totally makes sense :) i know completely what u mean!..
 
Mudder_Hacky replied...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:50 pm

well, now that i actually know more things..

this that you were talking about, nat, is called a 'motif.'

 

 
remembermeplz replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:49 am

cool

and please don't call me Nat

anything else I don't care.but just not Nat

 
Mudder_Hacky replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:35 pm

oh.. ok. sorry.. i'm guessing, then, that u r the anti-nat girl.. so then, the OTHER natalie that i kind of know isn't, then..mk..

anyways, my regrets and my deepest apologies.. indeed.

 
remembermeplz replied...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:43 pm

hahaha yes I would be that anti-Nat girl =)

it's okay

 
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