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A New Name

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A delicate curling of my lip
Just like Christmas ribbon
A slow flick of my tongue
Feeling soft and easy
The sound from my mouth
Starts the butterflies in my belly
It forms like a ring of smoke
And floats into the sky
The moment it turned to spoken word
I knew it meant beginning




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sarahologyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 11:58 am:

This is beautiful, I love how symbolic it is. Personally, I thought of the feeling you get when you're intoduced to a new guy you're interested in, and just his name conjures up all these new-beginning-what-if feelings. So beautiful - love the last line. I'm not too crazy about using "spoken word" - words are at a premium in such a short poem, the phrase seems a little redundant, and spoken word is a genre of poetry so that's confusing. To avoid the clutter - maybe "The moment I spoke it" or ... (more »)

 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 3:36 pm :
You are absolutely right about the message! Those were my exact feelings put into this. It completely slipped my mind that spoken word is a form of poetry, but now that you said it, it's all I can think about. I don't really like "The moment I spoke it", but I'll change it to something similar. Thanks! (:
 
sarahologyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 3:52 pm :
Yeah no prob! :)
 
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ChocoMint said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm:
I love the way you don't say what you are explaining in the poem. The title says it all and the poem is just one of many definitions!  I love it and think it would be great for your college portfolio!  =+)
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm :
Aw, thank you so much!
 
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FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 3:17 am:
Well, I like this poem, maybe because I like to experiment on names. Anyway, this is short but all the more great!!! Keep it up...
 
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MagicMan2011 said...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 9:00 pm:
I think this poem can be mixed up with other meanings. Its a good poem but mixed up part is a problem
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 2:25 pm :
I see what you mean, but I think the point of poetry is to find your own meaning in it, relate it to yourself, but I definitely understand your point, just don't know how I can fix it, and I actually rather like it how it is lol. Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it!
 
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casielynnxoxo said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 11:34 am:
I like the first two lines, they are really good. I don't understand how the name fits into the poem though, can you explain that to me please? I do like this poem a lot though  :)
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 10:51 pm :
All of the lines are pretty much about the way me speaking the new name felt, and the name doesn't literally translate to beginning, but how I can feel it's the beginning of something, you know? Hope that clarifies! (:
 
casielynnxoxo replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 4:28 pm :
Oh, I understand now. The first time reading it, I thought it was a literal, new name. Haha. I love the first two lines.
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 7:02 pm :
Yeah, I see how that can get mixed up! Thank you(:
 
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