im lost

August 13, 2011
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lost in my thoughts
I dont know where to go
no place to hide
or push the pain away

lost in my body
I no longer have control
but have I ever?

my thoughts are controlled
but not by me
my actions are weak
I dont know what im doing
these things I feel
they are so familiar
I'm trapped by them
becoming lost in their world
their world of anger and tears

lost on these words I dont understand
these days filled with nothing
sorrow and pain is all I feel

my happiness is lost
somewhere it lyes
out of my sight

lost in this world
I can't find a thing
turning on those I love
they try to help
all I do is lash out

the anger is deep inside
don't know where it came from
or when it will go
until it does
I am lost

where I am lost
is still unkown
I search for a fix
all I find is tears

making the ones I love mad
is not what I mean to do
they only try to help
and all I do is hurt them

this deepens my sorrow
I feel more lost than ever
if only I could sleep forever
dream happy dreams
but sleep no longer comes easily

I see the pain I cause to the ones I love
how do I tell them it's not me
I am lost
and I don't know where

one word sets me off
anger or tears
I never know which one it will be

the ones I love
they get mad
and storm off just like they should
I don't know who to blame
so it turns on me
and I turn on them

I seem to do it everyday
I wish I didn't
I wish it were different
they don't deserve this
I'm the one lost
they are the ones that deal with me
for that I truly hate myself

I am lost
and everyone else suffers
because if me.

the looks on their faces
the concern in their voice
it kills me inside
to know I caused those things

if only I could find peace
tell them how sorry I am

being lost
is such a terrible thing

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