what if i wanna die?

July 23, 2011
By , lemoore, CA
Depression hurts its tiring.
it takes every ounce of
strength, courage, reason
away from you until your a shell.
it leaves you cold and lifeless but alive.
alive enough to suffer,
alive enough to realize every bit of hope you have
had been ripped to shreds
alive enough to still try and chase your dreams,
as you watch them get pulled further and further away.
alive enough to make the choice to not believe in anything
because you know no one believes in you.
alive enough to suffer and cry, to want and wish for love and happiness
only to come out empty handed.
alive enough to realize there's not a point to living anymore
because inside your already dead.
so someone tell me what hours of therapy didn't,
what countless medications failed to help me realize.
tell me,
whats the point of getting out of bed in the morning
if there's nothing worth living for anymore.
why force a smile on my face when you can see right through it.
you can see that i lack the light i used to have in my eyes
the dance i used to have in every step i took
the laughter i had everytime i spoke
i lack the reasons i had to live.
all of it gone taken from me and shredded till it was nothing.
and since i know you cant answer that question, answer me this
what dd i do that was so terrible i had all my happiness taken away
tell me why i shouldn't give into the urge to slice my arm so deep
that a river of red would spill out
and leave and leave my shell lifeless and could like i am on the inside.
tell me why i shouldn't want to die.
give me a reason to be, to try, to live.
that's all i want, is for one person to tell me
that i have a purpose,
that I'm not worthless,
that i have impacted there life enough for them to need me
to miss me to care about me.
but no one can say that to me
because unfortunately i was the only person that grew up in a house
where we were taught to lie.

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