my apololypse

July 23, 2011
I'm tired of your lies and your petty bull sh**
I'm fed up with you making everything about you
I'm tired of you walking out
because your leaving me behind, again.
knowing I'm not strong enough to make it on my own.

i have been shattered, into a million pieces.
i chipped away bits of myself for you,
but it wasn't enough
so you carved away chunks of me,
until eventually we fit together.
but you made me what you wanted me to be, and i hate it.
i hate myself even more for letting you
because in the end you still walked away.

so now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor
with my blade in front of me
and I'm thinking of everything i could do to myself.
and none of it seems like enough.
nothing even amounts to the hurt you have caused me.
you ripped me apart from the inside
while i tried to hold myself together
by tearing myself apart on the outside

and you sat back and watched
you knew you were hurting me
and you watched me hurt myself more because of it.

and i feel sick and twisted.
because this is what we called love.
you bruised me, broke me, hurt me, hated me, murdered me, destroyed me,
because i was never enough.
i called it love,
because i always wanted to be.

and now i really see what happened.
because i realise i don't even know the person looking back at me in the mirror
and so i have decided what i want to do.
the only thing equivalent to what you have already done to me.
and don't worry, you still get all the credit.

i want you to take my blade
and carve your name across my wrist
so i will forever remember
your the one that did this to me.

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