the only option

July 23, 2011
By Anonymous

"I'm ok, I'm fine"
I'm trying to convince myself
"you don't need to it not an option"
i can picture your eyes
black
and scared
i wish it was an option
i wish more than anything for my blade, my friend, cold, hard, silver
to be dragged across my arm
i wish for little red beads of blood
to turn into a stream of happiness
an escape
a way out of this he** i have created
and call home
i wish for my translucent tears to be gone
to vanish because for once i don't need to cry
i don't need to be scared or broken
but i am
my once, happy, healthy, beating heart has grown cold
finally given up
my once smiling face, blushing cheeks have become still
a permanent frown
this is me now
and this is how you have found me
mangled and broken, words left unspoken
destroyed
mutilated
pale white and ice cold
because i finally listened to my heart
and gave up
you told me it wasn't an option
and you were right
it wasn't an option
it was the only way
it just took me too long to realize it


The author's comments:
Ive been struggling with cutting for 4 years and my best friend came into y room one day while i was sitting there starring at my blade deciding what i was going to do to myself he sat down with me and had a long talk with me telling me it wasn't an option, of course that's not how i saw it at the time but that conversation inspired this.

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