For You, Father

August 14, 2011
By , Fort Wayne, IN
I say "father" but think son
Caring for you as if you're mine
No disabilities yet you tend to shun
Simple tasks of yours, as if you're not fine

Role reversal, I sense
As things become tense
I fight to be your daughter
As if you've even sought her

Giving up
So abrupt
Letting go
Saying no
Words at all
As you let me fall
Hanging by
A detached thread
You don't even say bye
As if you're already dead

Six months pass
My birthday, at last
I wait and wait and wait for you to say
A simple thing, for this special day
Midnight, the next morning
From you, not a single thing

Seventeen years
I've been here
Yet distant you remain
Continue to refrain
Have you forgotten
Do you reject
I'm not rotten
Despite your neglect

Because of your addictions
Due to your negligent shuns
I've declined the smoke
Knew I'd choke
Said no to the drink
I wouldn't think

Thanks so much
For your absence
Your negative actions, words and such
Making everything around you tense
What a lovely father you are
For keeping yourself so far

Granted, without you there wouldn't be
This person whom I call me

But I'd have the same spirit
And though I may fear it
Death is inevitable
For every body's soul

I'd have been reborn
Into a new form
Probably a man
I'd be better at it than
You, staying by my family's side
Never hide
Never drink
Always think
Raise my children right
Pull though to the end of the fight

This life is not a joke
Though you may think so
On this day that I awoke
I've finally come to know

I'm more of a man
Than you'll ever be
And more of a woman
Than you'll ever see

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