My Wonderland

August 9, 2011
One small feeling in a black abyss
I'm struggling to hold onto it.
Rabid animals are pulling me down,
Pushing me without a sound.
It's icy and dark in my wonderland
Just like I always wanted
But I was far too young to choose the fate that I've been granted.
There were no two paths in a wooded fall
But thousands of stumbling blocks in echoing halls
No on taking me away
Only letting my heart fall
If it fell it would have cracked and shattered and I'd be dead
Someone picked up my heart and pinned it to a wall
I'm sure that wall has been abandoned
Like its' windows and its' doors
And like the empty building
I can't seem to feel anymore
Only a dulled aching, simmering in my chest
Reminding me that summers heat is worse than he**s' best.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

ephie said...
Sept. 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Great poem. I get the message. I had to re-read the poem in order to see what you were trying to say. I'm sure you noticed the small spelling error (No on instead of No one)  I personally would have changed "Just like I always wanted" because it coincides with "But I was far to young to choose the fate that I've been granted" But that is my personal opinion
 
JustAnotherOwl said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I really liked this! Especially:

 

"I'm sure that wall has been abandoned
Like its' windows and its' doors
And like the empty building
I can't seem to feel anymore"

I just thought that was really interesting and...I don't know, just something about it, I really loved.

 

I did really like this. Actually, what caugh my attention was the title of "My Wonderland" because I'm obsessed with Alice in Wonderland :) Ha. Anyway, great job! An... (more »)

 
Branden N. said...
Sept. 19, 2011 at 12:15 pm

waaaiiit... I found an issue in one of your lines.

(I'm going to try to fix the errors and afterwards provide my opinion.)

"But I was far too young to choose the fate that I've been granted."

 

"I've been  granted" implies that the fate has been forced onto you. It's contradicting to say that you chose it yourself. Just pointing that out o= *reads the rest...*

"If it fell it would have cracked and shattered my skull* and I'd be dead"

... (more »)

 
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