After Dark | Teen Ink

After Dark

August 6, 2011
By Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Well we went way back into our heads and we saw all our old

empires and effigies airing out

in ruins amongst canary-headed ballerinas,

brittle bones popping,

crackling as they roasted.

The fat sizzled.

Cradled in the flames we found

antique ribbons long forgotten.

We discovered desires,

dumb dreams of dreary days and

fears we didn’t know we were

supposed to have.

We understood love and lilies and

how to play the oboe.

We knew; we rejected our prejudice, our weakness.

We were inventors

scientists

lovers

poets.

We were fortune-tellers

we were

God

Goddess

Devil and

Creator.

We forgot it all

before our heads left the pillow.



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This article has 11 comments.


on Aug. 3 2012 at 3:36 pm
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

I enjoyed it. I think that my favorite part was about the canary over the fire! My only advice would be to add commas when listing off things and to perhaps exchange "dumb" for a better word (it threw me for a loop). Other than that, great job!

on Jun. 5 2012 at 8:09 pm
these-roses GOLD, Bristol, Indiana
14 articles 2 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
so many books, so little time

wow there is more than what is just on the page, the meaning can run deep if  you read it correctly. i really love this!

Tiwaz SILVER said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 11:45 am
Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments
Thanks for the critique! And yes, that's basically what it's about (it could be about dreams or pre-dreams, it doesn't really matter).

on Mar. 23 2012 at 12:34 am
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

What exactly is this about? can you explain it in short to me? When I am reading I'm getting that it's the thoughts we think right before we sleep. When you're daydreaming right before you dream for real. I could be totally wrong. I hope I don't embaress myself! As for the poem, I love your word choice, especially at the beginning. I think that you should take out the word "well" on the very first line and just start it off with "we". I really love how this poem isn't so straightforward and it takes time to understand (which to you it might be perfectly clear, but to the reader not as much). You did a great job on this!

Tiwaz SILVER said...
on Mar. 19 2012 at 8:58 pm
Tiwaz SILVER, Jackson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 28 comments
Well, thanks a buttload to both of you. :) It means a lot. 

on Mar. 18 2012 at 12:51 pm
Belluna45 PLATINUM, Shelbyville, Kentucky
31 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart- I've left it with you."
-Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse (Twilight #3))
"Either write something worth reading or do something wor
th writing."
-Benjamin Franklin
"A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest."
-Johnny Depp

this is a really awesome i love the idea! it is so amazing! 

on Mar. 18 2012 at 12:07 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Heck yeah! This NEEDS to be in the mag.

dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 17 2012 at 10:05 pm
dreamshaker, Clarkston, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 64 comments

I am speechless.

This was so beautiful, I can't even express how powerful it really was. The last lines especially were absolute perfection.

I can't believe this isn't published in the magazine. It's freaking amazing.


jaylw GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 2:28 pm
jaylw GOLD, Southgate, Michigan
18 articles 8 photos 44 comments
oboes rock!! great poem by the way!

Eqrider SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 4:24 pm
Eqrider SILVER, Louisville, Kentucky
6 articles 2 photos 20 comments
I loved this! I had to read it twice actually but it has such an edgy, creative style to it! The last two lines pull it together beautifully! Check out my work if you get a chance.

on Aug. 13 2011 at 9:01 pm
savetheplanet PLATINUM, Anaheim, California
45 articles 9 photos 565 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Wow, such beautiful imagery.  I loved it. :D