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Rock Bottom

You tear me down.
I hit the ground.
Crumpled and broken,
With words left unspoken.
My feelings were bottled,
But you've hit the throttle.
They shoot up to you--
Sadness dyes my soul blue.
Did you even catch them?
Did you even care?
Were they just another thing
You let my shoulders bear?
Tears, return, repeat;
Forever the same beat,
In this game we played.
Too weak to go...
I stayed.



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This article has 18 comments. Post your own now!

WrittenEmotions said...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Whoa... Explains a similiar situation with me... I love this!
 
just-a-joy said...
Sept. 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm
beautiful if you can read some of my stuff an tell me what you think
 
TotheSea said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 7:45 am
Wow, that was very nice!  I liked the line about dying your soul blue and the rhyming was really concise and poignant. Great job!
 
ryanthebrat said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 12:32 am
Its really good it doesn't need to be changed.in my opinion:)
 
MoraleAsh said...
Aug. 21, 2011 at 9:49 pm
This is really good as well! I love how it rhymed and also how it changed rhyme scheme. The only thing is that maybe it'd be easier on the eye and the mind if you changed stanza when you changed rhyme scheme!
 
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:36 pm
i really like this too! it flows really well, and i love the word choice..:)
 
PaigeStreet This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm
I'm glad to see you kept the last three lines- they're my favorite!
 
MagicMan2011 said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Wow it flows almost like a song. Good job
 
dark_armor1 said...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 6:04 pm
well done! i like the flow of your words. brava
 
WishfulDoer said...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:24 pm
I looove this poem! again, this hits home...Keep writing!
 
hworld123 said...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I think that your use of periods was too frequent... it feels dramatic at parts (which I like), but mostly it hurts the flow of the piece. The end sounds a little weird to me for some reason... Overall, I liked it though. 
 
Kev-Girl said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 3:42 pm
hey good job on this! i realy like the meaning behind the story!
 
megsloveslions said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Really good, nice use of imagery and rhyming.
 
cheryl0424 said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 6:05 am
Good tone. I liked a lot of your word choice. Also, I liked the "dying the soul blue" imagery. Very nice. 
 
WithPenAndScript said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm
I can realate, good poem :)
 
Regs_the_Shorty said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 7:40 pm
I thought it was good and I saw nothing wrong with it. Great job :)
 
JoPepper said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm
I really liked this good job I liked the "My feelings were bottled, but you've hit the throttle"  Good job keep writing!!!! :D
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 12:12 am
The only problen you have, I think, is your use of punctuation marks. Anyway, I hate it too when people treat me in contradiction to what they tell me I am to them. >:'>
 
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