Death in the eye of the sea

July 28, 2011
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I stand at the pier awaiting my light.
A wish, a dream, something serene.
I stand in the fog, my vision is clouded.
My blood is cold.
I feel surrounded.
My heart beats fast while this dark moment lasts.
No light, no sun, no aspiration to run.
I fall to my knees.
I begin to cry.
My palms start to sweat.
My failures surround me.
I don't know why.
The lingering hope in my last loves eye.
I jump in the sea and paddle away.
I swallow the guilt while it all starts to fade.
I can't find a way out, but I frantically search.
All that I've done, what was it worth?!
I'm sinking, drowning, and can't find my light.
It's as if I'm living my world in night.
I want to scream, I wish this were a dream.
I can't do it anymore.
My stomachs twisting into knots.
I can't swim anymore, I just float in my thoughts.
And all I can do is close my eyes.
To think back to the time that I was alive.
This world is trying to take me away.
From all that I love, and I want to stay!
And it wants to keep me away from her.
My one white plume in this dark blue room.
It's all I can see besides a vision of me.
And I have to question: Will I ever be happy?
I force myself awake, though I still can not see.
I swim around aimlessly in the unforgiving sea.
I can not give up. I can not give in.
I can not say this is how I want it to end.
And begin?! Oh no! I do disagree.
I will not live my life to your decree.
I paddled away, I should have stayed.
I should have stood up and said no way!
That light I've looked for I now can see.
It's not on the horizon, it's inside of me.
In my heart, in my vision, in my spiritual intentions.
And nobody around can take this away.
I can see the light off the crest of the waves.
I can feel myself increase in speed, paddling forward to my destiny.
I can see the future. It's green and bright.
It's created by me and I call it my plight.
While I paddle forward into the bright yellow light, I see myself grow wings, and my soul take flight.





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