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Three Honest, Grey Truths
First of all,
Let me apologize.
My intentions were not--are not--
What you seem to believe they are.
Your hand was mine to hold, you heart an open book
I took your hand. . .
And examined the cover.
When I realized what you wanted,
What it all
I dropped everything, and retreated far back in my
The only place I knew I could be safe.
Let me explain.
I may have played you--unintentionally, of course--
But my friendship belonged to you.
However, you didn’t see it quite so clearly.
When I couldn’t take the endless questions and jealousy,
I would sit.
And cry, fat tears rolling down my cheeks
That asked just one simple question--why?
When your constant requests to do something--
Went from friendly to obsessive,
I would run.
Was it really necessary to scare me like you did?
When the anger at finding out I didn’t wish to be more than friends
Sent you over the edge,
I sat down to think once more.
I remembered our better times together--
You making me laugh, me
Squirting Coke out of my nose like a fountain.
The sound of my laugh
When you poked me with that pencil.
What happened to those days??The carefree friendship
I would give
to have again?
When you told me you were okay
“Just being friends” I was able to breathe again.
I thought we could return to the happier days of
What used to be.
I didn’t plan on a second wind to your obsession.
I thought we were past that stage.
Before we play this game of cat-and-mouse again,
There are three things you must know.
One: I am the world’s most insecure coward.
Two: I have never loved you.
Three: I don’t think I ever could.