July 26, 2011
By , Tinley Park, IL
How innocent a carousel is
Dancing in its glorious donuts
Alluring visions
And sweet sounds that whisper straight to your nerves
Tingling the silhouettes
Whom tip-toe among those distances
Young, foolish thoughts
Inviting them out to play
Enticing, yet familiarly comforting
Can't help but to relax
And get sucked up into youth
Once again

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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm
This is great! I love the line with the "glorious donuts" in it! :)))  The only thing is that whom should be who. It's proper grammar... :) Great work!
MoraleAsh replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Oops! Thanks for the correction and the comment!
Eirias said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm
It's good! Personally, I like to use puntuation, because there's a lot more that you can do with it. If you leave the words hanging all out there with no puntuation, they are just words floating in the ether, and your job is to make them as beautiful as possible. With puntuation, the poem can take more the direction as if someone is speaking it, with all its variations in tone and speed and volume. I edit prose more, which is probably why I have and inclination to have a directional poem with pu... (more »)
MoraleAsh replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 4:42 pm
thanks! I've never really thought about punctuation but maybe I'll try to play around with it the next time I write!
WiseGirl said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I really liked it! Good job! It really does make me think about my childhood.
MoraleAsh replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Thanks! That's what I was aiming for.
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