Arabian Nights

The beat is broken, rough, choppy
Yet gliding into one
Like two people
Never meant to be together
But happy
Different sounds
From all around
Distractions tearing them apart
Yet they are determined, getting stronger
But their love cannot hold on much longer
Arabian nights
Black as ebony
Black as his heart will someday be
Black as the hole within her soul
Black as death
Black and cold





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BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 11:26 pm
This is great! The only think I don't care for is how the 9th line starts with "yet" and the very next line starts with "but". They pretty much mean the same thing and it sounds, well, repetitive. And not in a good way.
 
alleykat15 replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 9:41 am
Thanks for your input and well, yeah.  now when I read it I can see how that'd be a problem.  I guess I wasn't really paying all that much attention reading it over and it didn't sound so repetitive.  thanks!
 
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