July 20, 2011
I made a war-paint today;
mashed berries and
provided color while the
stone Ground in Fear.

Streaks on my chest and
that prove my strength
and turn blue as I struggle stop
me from thinking
too far ahead

She told me about the silly game
I was playing and
I became afraid of that lacking.
She laughed and traced the paint
with a fingernail while whispering
that Fear doesn’t exist.

I fought with him
but he was as strong
or stronger than myself
and when I opened my eyes
I saw that his chest and his thighs
Reflected back at me my own War-paint;
and I cried
for the both of us.

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This article has 36 comments. Post your own now!

RayBaytheDinosaur said...
Oct. 18, 2011 at 9:50 pm
This is beautiful! I'm not sure exactly what it's about but its really cool that you can take it the way you want, it really makes you think =)
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 7:41 am
This was definitely a very interesting poem. I truly loved your play with imagery, and I'm glad it's so open to interpretation. Well done. 
DeusExMachina replied...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Why thank you very much!
Rayne said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 9:49 pm
I wasn't sure at first what this was about, but actually it reminds me of two boys fighting over a girl. Not sure if I'm right, but I love your creativity.
DeusExMachina replied...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Hmm that's an interesting interpretation! Correct? I won't say haha but thats a really nice thought. The poem is really open for it to mean to you what it means specifically to you. Thank you for the feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
cowgirl4ever said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I don't quite get what this poem is about, but I think the way you wrote it is interesting.You used some nice imagery, too.
DeusExMachina replied...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Haha, that's okay because my hope is that it means different things to different people. Thanks!
dark_armor1This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm

wow i have to admit that was pretty good ! awesome job :)


DeusExMachina replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 8:51 am
Thanks you!     
ohheyyyelli said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 9:18 pm
This is beautiful, and I actually didn't have a "flow" issue. The meaning and writing is brilliant.
DeusExMachina replied...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Thank you!
HannSawyer15 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 11, 2011 at 10:28 am
I could really care less about your "flow" lol isn't that why this is a freeverse? Lol anyway but I really liked this and I think you tied everything together beautifully in the end! Great job! :)
DeusExMachina replied...
Aug. 11, 2011 at 11:27 am
haha Thank you!
consumedbygrace247 said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 10:53 pm
I love the flow. I love the imagery. This is incredible. You really have a talent. Great job. :)
DeusExMachina replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm
wow! thank you! haha and thanks for the flow comment too ;)
DeusExMachina said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Okay, just so I don't get anymore comments about the flow: though you may not like it, the flow is coming from my style of writing. I thank you all for pointing it out, and I'll definately keep it in mind in the future, but for this poem, I think it is necessary and appropriate the way that I've written it. Thanks for the comments and feedback
Emily.L said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm
The see that the flow isn't the best, but that doesn't distract me from the rest of the poem. It's really well written! (:
leafy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 5:25 pm
nice poem, although for the flow kinda bothered me, but you might have been meaning to do that. keep up the good work!
DeusExMachina replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 11:09 am
Thank you, and the flow you're talking about may be because of my personal style... Though I experimented more with this one, its pretty true to most of my poems.
Jesusfreak78 replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I agreee the flow needs more work, try to keep your line a similar length. Other than that not bad. keep it up
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