July 18, 2011
I try to smile
It won’t come
And all the while
I feel numb

The hurt I feel
Burns a hole in my heart
Can this be real?
It’s tearing me apart

Your words are empty
There’s no trust
The end of the party
It all went bust

I stare at you
This stranger in front me
This isn’t who I knew
Where could she be?

I tried to make you happy
It always failed
Left me feeling crappy
You just bailed

Now I’ve given up
Our time fade away
Keep your empty cup
You’ll have to pay

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IamtheshyStargirl said...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I see you stopped writing in text lingo, ignore parts of my first two comments, in that case :) 

I don't quite like this poem as much as your others, but I'm just weird :) And everyone else likes it. 

You're a really good writer, savetheplanet, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I've very much enjoyed reading all of your poems. 

savetheplanet replied...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Hey thanks. :D No text lingo in this one but a couple of grammatical mistakes.  And no you're not weird, you just have different tastes.
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 11:39 am

I rather like this! And I'm a little able to relate to it, so that gave it even more meaning for me.

The last line seems vaguely menacing. Is that how it's meant to be?

savetheplanet replied...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 12:07 pm
It wasn't so much of a threat as was meant to be slightly resentful.
Aderes18 said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:29 pm

You have captured the feeling of unrequited love and heartbreak absolutely perfectly and gorgeously. 

Well done. :)

Just one error. 

"This stranger in front me"


savetheplanet replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Yah when I posted the poem I forgot to check for grammatical errors and I really regret that.  The other one was
"Our time fades away".
Aderes18 replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Didn't realize that one. 


Aderes18 replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:42 pm

That doesn't seem like a grammar issue to me. 

It's all right.

On my poems, I find grammar errors all the time but only AFTER I publish them. 

It's my biggest pet peeve. 

savetheplanet replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:46 pm
ROFLZ me too! especially since to fix them you would have to delete the article and resubmit it
Aderes18 replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Exactly! So I just never bother. 
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